I'll start a discussion. This was what it was like for me growing up.

[Shane]

AD/HD is a very unforgiving and alienating neurological disorder. Often times those of us who are afflicted with find ourselves being ostracized and we feel like outcasts and freaks. Even worse we feel like we're stupid, worthless, and dysfunctional.

When I was attending school, I did very poorly in elementary. I had and have a very difficult time with my impulse control. If I thought of something I reacted to these ideas immediately and I did not have the reserve to meditate upon the ramifications. My teachers would get frustrated with my outbursts and I ended up being the brunt of my cruel peers jokes which resulted in a lot of confrontations. Often times these exchanges in discourse ended in violence. By the time I was in high school I learned to control my temper enough that I could walk away from a potential scuffle, however my impulse control had not evolved.

As an adult I am still somewhat of a misfit, meaning I am still socially dysfunctional. Not because I want to be, its just that during a conversations amongst my contemporaries I feel the need to vocalize my thoughts quickly before I forget them. Often times my friends and coworkers think I am being rude. I've always been unemployed and underemployed because I was guilty of making many mistakes. Or female employees felt uncomfortable around me because I did not think about the proximity of our two bodies while working tight quarters. I was too engrossed in my work and my mental faculties demanded intense effort to maintain my concentration on my tasks. Because my cognitive state was and is in constant flux I was very distracted by trying keep focus on my work, I did not pause to give consideration to women coworkers comfort zone when we came into close physical contact. Ultimately my employment was terminated because of either gross incompetency or inappropriate behavior.

However after 36 years of being a slave to my impulses, social dysfunction, and inability to maintain concentration, I now feel like that I have a whole new brain. My medication is working very well, I can finally be aware of my environment and my interpersonal communication and social skills have improved. I feel like I am just now learning how to survive and coexist effectively and in a positive way. I visualize my personhood in foreign a state of perception as it evolves. Exploring this alien environment is proving to be a very difficult endeavor, however I am looking forward to my trek ahead.

What was it like for you growing up with AD/HD or ADD? And how is it for you now?

[Bryan Hutchinson]

Hi Shane,

It is good to read that the medication is working for you. Do you mind if I ask what you are taking and for how long? Any side effects?

ADD was tough on me as a young man, similar to how many of us made it through distracted and day dreaming. Not knowing why, but always feeling different was probably the worst part for me. I Felt 'less than' my peers and just could not perform at their level and my efforts were always short lasting, because, my mind simply could not stay on one thing for an extended period of time.

Therapy has helped me the most and it changed my life. As we grow into adulthood it is easy for us to fill ourselves with resentment and negative thinking about ourselves and not give too much consideration for what we can do well. For many of us, as in my case, that becomes part of our condition and magnifies our problems, which, in a way, disables us from realizing what we can do well and what we have to appreciate.

Therapy changed my perceptions and my attitude. Therapy hasn't corrected the ADHD part of me; however, by lifting resentment, fear and other negative emotional distractions, I am better able to cope with how my brain works. Knowledge and continual learning about our condition helps me maintain and become a better person. Of course, I must admit I was in therapy for over a decade, so it wasn't just a quick fix of any sort. I was actually diagnosed with ADHD long after I had started therapy.

Just an observation, but your writing is great and you have a brilliant way of expressing yourself. Keep it up. I note a positive underlying theme and that will build, I am certain of it. Great discussion!

Bryan

[Shane]

"Just an observation, but your writing is great and you have a brilliant way of expressing yourself."

Thank you Bryan.

I read somewhere that a good writer will not utilize the same word twice in a paragraph, if it can be avoided. I am writing and illustrating my own graphic fantasy novel.

When I was a attending elementary school I was constantly harassed by my classmates. My tormentors eventually became teenagers and their ridicule of me became even more poignant. I discovered that I too must adapt because my fists were not a viable solution. My mother purchased comic books for me, and I eventually learned how to read. When I started comprehending books the subject matter which I was digesting became more abstract and philosophical. I was becoming enlightened. I concluded that Ideas and words would become my weapon of choice. I constructed a verbal landscape which I alone dominated. The individuals that try picking on me were soon educated in the art of vocalized combat. When I was 15 years old the hazing had abided and I finished high school without any further tribulations.

I was only 15 years old and already I was an accomplished linguist. It was the only way I could fight back and not come under scrutiny. That was the only answer that left me with a feeling of accomplishment.

To answer your question, I am taking 60 milligrams of Adderall every 3 hours. I sometimes experience insomnia as a side effect, and I have absolutely no appetite what so ever. I have to set an alarm on my cell phone so that I remember to eat something. Even then I am not consuming that much food.

I am sure that I may benefit from therapy. I have a profound inferiority complex. I think anybody who walked in my shoes for just one day, would comprehend why that is. How difficult it is for me just to focus on the most mundane things.

[Bryan Hutchinson]

Very interesting Shane. Flash backs of the ridicule of childhood... oh, how those just seem to stay with us forever. Ah, but those are days gone by and never to return.

I too loved comic books and those were what helped me get interested in reading. Spider-Man, Moon Knight, Ghost Rider, Iron Man and the X-Men were my comics of choice. The characters back then were noble and role models of a sort.

I read a lot about what good writers do and therefore I stopped reading about what good writers do :-) messed up my writing - don't ye know? I prefer just to write and if it comes out good, well, great! Jump! lol My mind has a very difficult time remembering the rules of writing and what makes writing good, so I shoot from the hip and go from there. And that's one of the things that bums me out from time to time - why can I not grasp the rules and standards of writing? Oh, the dull pain in the back of my skull returns... enough of that.

I would love to view and read your graphic novel... perhaps, when you are ready, you could post a bit of it on here for us to view and enjoy too? I am certain it will be wonderful and imaginative.

Talk to you again soon... ~Bryan

[Genny]

Im on medication too im the same as shane i did not do well in school or even makes friends as much in fact people would make fun of me because i had adhd and i had to take medication

[Bryan Hutchinson]

Most people who make fun of others are insecure with who they are. I have rarely, if ever, met anyone self secure that would put someone else down for just the sake of some fun. I think it is a sad, very sad state when others must come down on good people simply to try and make themselves feel better.

[Shane]

I never understood why people felt the need to make fun of me either. I had a very dificult time without them ridiculing me.

[Lizard (aka, Butthead)]

wow this subject brings up the whole PTSD anxiety for me! When I was a kid they labeled it minimal brain disfunction. I was treated like I had brain damage. Back in the day, little girls were not supposed to act the way I did so I was labled a mental case. It was just the ADHD with the capital HYPER!

My whole story is way too long to tell and involved a lot of hospitals, nuerologists, long term hospital stays, and so on!

Special schools, blah, blah.

I have been seeing a pysc that has ADD and specializes in treating patients like me, it has been a life saver for me. Adults that go through hell as kids like us also have many comorbid issues that can happen, so I am working on those and learning that I can accept who I am and make mistakes and recover.

One thing that I have done that is most beneficial in my adult life is find a job that is high energy, constant crisis, big adrenaline at times, one that the so called "type A" fits into.

Another thing is on the personal level, I draw and do other forms of art to express the things that I cannot verbally express when I talk about myself and my issues with my pysc.

I am learning to like and love myself the way I am without all the bad coping things I used to do and learning to forgive myself for being a spaz at times!

[Bryan Hutchinson]

That's the truth of it Liza: Learn to like, love and forgive self! Well said.

[Rebecca fairclough]

I also felt different growing up, and my peers sure helped confirm it. It would take a long time to recount all the ways they bullied and took advantage of me. Either with violence or mean words. Even so called friends would take my kind nature for granted. Getting me to do things for them or to do things which would get me in trouble or make me look foolish. And my longing to be accepted along with my impulsiveness, made sure i succumbed to their challenges time and time again. I have found that even adults can make me feel alienated and don't have the patience to show understanding. And once i pick up on their dislike or disdain, it can be like being back in school again. To this day i only have about two friends, and they live quite far away, so it can be lonely. I guess i've become accustomed to my own company though.

[Shane]

I am fortunate in the aspect that I have a close circle of friends that have understood over the las 5 years that I was different, and that was just the way I was. Then when my diagnosis was made that just explained everything, we now had a word for my behavior and why I would constantly fidget.

I wish I could set myself up as a grand guru that is full of wisdom on AD/HD. I would tell you what you could do that would make everything all better and everything would be alright. (Sigh) The truth is that I barely know what to do to help myself. I don't know how to make everything alright or if it will ever be ALRIGHT.

If I can offer anything that may help, maybe you can take solace in the knowledge that I know your pain, I am all too familar with it. Also that which does not kill us, only makes us stronger. frederich Nietzsche said that.

[Rebecca fairclough]

I'm pleased you have understanding friends Shane, how long have you known your friends. One of the only friends i can rely on lives quite far away from where i do, and i can't drive. She understands and believes in me. So whenever i feel the need to talk i just give her a phone call. And of course now i've met you guys on Adder. That's a big help, cos i've never met another adult with adhd til now.

[Shane]

Rebecca

There are are 13 people that comprise my circle of association that I am excellent friends with. I would feel safe confiding in any one of those people Out of those 13 people I deeply love and care about 3 of them. But like I said I am close with all of those people.

Shane