A COMPLETE WHOPPER OF ALL WHOPPERS!

[DANA]

When you first discovered that you were diagnosed with ADD/ADHD, did you feel happy, relieved, angry, frustrated, depressed or did you completely deny it? In addition, how old were you when you were first diagnosed, did you immediately begin therapy and did you begin taking medication to treat ADD/ADHD?

For me, I was in my early 30's when I initially suspected that I had undiagnosed ADHD, but it took many years to finally locate a professional who clearly understood adult female ADHD. Prior to my evaluation and diagnosis of ADHD, I had read a book by Sari Solden called "Women With Attention Deficit Disorder." This book was a godsend! The descriptions in this book described me, my dreamy childhood, my wildly rebellious teenage years and my frustrating job-hopping adult years.

Once I understood more about adult ADHD for females, it became quite clear to me that I had been coping with this my entire life. Ironically, my six year old son was evaluated and diagnosed with ADHD right before I suspected that I had ADHD. As a parent, I wanted to help my son deal with his struggles, but at the same time, I was too overwhelmed with my own undiagnosed ADHD challenges.

My turning point was when I experienced a complete whopper of all whoppers! Looking back on this one event, it actually may sound hysterical, but at the time, it was completely devastating to me and it was my WAKE UP CALL to deal with my ADHD.

What happened was that I was on my way to work, driving down the street in my new, shiny red car when I decided to open up my new package of photographs. I just had them developed and I could not wait to see how they turned out. I was so excited to check out the new photographs that I didn't give much thought to the risk of driving and looking at pictures all at the SAME time. Perhaps, the first problem is that I did not think and the second problem is that I used poor judgment, while driving?

So there I was driving to work in my new shiny, red car, listening to my favorite CD, enjoying my new photographs and smiling to myself as I became quite absorbed in looking at each picture. When suddenly, BANG! (SCREECHING BREAKS! AIRBAGS POPPING OPEN IN FRONT OF ME, METAL SCRAPING and GLASS SHATTERING ALL AROUND ME!)

Opps! Someone driving in front of me must have put on their brakes quickly. My car smacked right into the rear end of the car in front of me! My new car was close to being totaled and I had to beg mercy with the car inspector to fix my car, instead of claiming it to be totaled. In the meanwhile, my new, shiny, red car was only 6 months old and now I just messed it up quite badly!

Unfortunately, this is what it took for me to WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE! (Or rather wake up and face ADHD!) It was a brutal and painful wake up call. I cried for weeks on end and I went into a serious depression. I felt so ashamed, so guilty, so worthless, so stupid and I eventually went for counseling to address the ADHD.

In time, I learned from my mistake and I started educating myself about how to manage my ADHD symptoms better. Due to this car accident, I had to face the truth that I had undiagnosed ADHD, I was impulsive, I was distracted, I did not always think before I talked, I was great at putting my foot in my mouth and I was forever humbled by this humiliating experience.

Thankfully, I was referred to an expert in adult females with ADHD. She evaluated me and diagnosed me with ADHD. Initially, I felt relieved to finally receive a correct diagnosis to make sense of all the craziness in my life. It prompted me to do much more research in both traditional treatments as well as alternative treatments for ADHD. I tried traditional medication for ADHD, but I did not have a positive response so I began using natural alternatives to manage the symptoms.

My motto soon became "LIVE AND LEARN!" Since this dramatic event in my life, I have actively continued educating myself about ADHD to learn helpful tips and tricks along the journey that is much like riding a roller coaster. Yes, there are bumps and bends along the way with a big dipper to catch me off guard every now and then, but hey, it has been quite a very interesting ride and one heck of an adventure!

[Brenda]

Dana, I thoroughly understand how you felt when you found out you had ADHD. I was diagnosed 2 years ago. I am trying to educate myself in every way possible, but I don't feel like I am making any progress. My self-esteem is terrible. I can't focus. I just feel like I'm not capable of doing anything. God has brought me where I am at today and for this I am thankful. I need some guidance. I try to listen to all the free teleseminars that are offered but I need more. I am not on any medicine now because my heartrate increases. I am on a beta blocker this is to help me with my panic attacks. I haven't worked in a year. (no jobs) I just graduated from the college in Office Systems Technology. If you have any suggestions for me I would greatly appreciate it or from anyone else who can offer some advice. Thank you for taking the time to read my response. Oh yes did you get the job writing for a magazine company? God bless!

[DANA]

Brenda, you mentioned many concerns including, you feel that you are not making any progress, you struggle with a low self-esteem, you are challenged with focusing, you are not able to take stimulant medication because it causes an increase in your heart rate, you have completed college, but you have not worked in a year and are challenged with the lack of jobs.

Brenda, if you take each concern and list them on a piece of paper, which area would you consider the top priority for right now? Perhaps, by taking another look at your list of concerns you will be able to decide what is the MOST urgent? For example: Is it absolutely crucial that you get a job right now or do you have someone who is financially helping you, supporting you and assisting you with living expenses?

Here are my thoughts on what concerns you. First, you may need to identify which concern is most urgent. Second, try to write down on paper the list of concerns and place them in order of how important or urgent it is to you. Once you identify the top concerns, it will be easier to take a few baby steps to work towards putting your time, energy and focus on these area's within your life. Keep in mind that there are area's in our lives in which we do NOT have any control. For example: You may not have control that medication is causing your heart rate to increase. However, you may have control over finding other options to cope with ADHD. Does this make sense?

In my opinion, individuals with ADD/ADHD may feel as if they are working hard, moving at a fast pace, yet, breathless and bewildered about why they have not reached their full potential. I understand this because I have felt like this plenty of times in my own struggles with ADHD. Part of the problem within my own self is recognizing that I can not take on too many projects at one time.

I have learned that I need to firmly stick within a limit and not permit myself to overextend myself. It is my responsibility to protect myself from taking on too much and to protect myself from having too much stress in my life. By understanding my stress level and my limitations, I can promote a more harmonious life.

Try NOT to tackle all of your concerns at one time. That does cause much stress to attempt to take on way too much all at once. Pace yourself by only focusing right now on one or two top priorities. Only you can determine which area is the most crucial because you know yourself, your personality, your skills, your health and your finances better than anyone else.

I hope that this helps. If you have any questions, feel free to comment.

As for me and my possible writing job, it is time to get out the violin because this has turned into a disappointing soap opera. The editor is rather slow as a turtle so I am still uncertain of the status of my articles. The saga continues......

[Brenda]

Dana, everything you said makes sense. This is the reason I feel so overwhelmed. It is because I am trying to take the whole world on my shoulders at one time. I am really going to work on 1or 2 items at a time. The main thing I have to work on is understanding my stress level and my limitations. I have to focus and concentrate really hard, this is my toughest area of all. I think once I can overcome this, I will succeed in other areas as life progresses. I am going to try real hard to better myself, so I can help others as you have helped me. Thanks for your words of wisdom and encouragement. I really appreciate your time in this matter.

Forget the soap opera, you have no time for that. When you are blessed with a talent such as writing, it is for a reason. I believe it is to touch others. Wait upon the Lord and be patient.....
Thanks again for the feed back. Take care. I look forward to conversing with you again.

[DANA]

Hello Brenda! Trying to take on the whole world is much too big of a task for anyone, including non-ADDers, too. If you are extremely challenged with focusing and concentration, I am thinking that what may help is little things, such as a timer to keep you informed of a time limit for a particular job. For instance, say that you need to get the laundry done.

Typically, it takes around 20-30 minutes for the entire cycle to go through. However, I know how easy it is to forget all about the laundry left in the washing machine. (This is one of my downfalls.) What I do to help me remember to take the wet clothes and place them in the dryer or hang them up on a line to air dry is to have a timer to set for 20-30 minutes. When it rings, it is my reminder to immediately stop what I am doing and to remove the wet clothes from the washing machine.

Once my clothes are either in the dryer or they are hung up on the line to air dry, I set my timer for about 60 minutes to allow enough time for my clothing to dry in the dryer. Pretty soon, it is one hour later and my timer rings again and off I go to take my clothes and place them into the laundry basket.
If you want to be very on task and get the job done ASAP, immediately bring your basket to the location most comfortable to fold and start stacking the clothes, towels and whatever items. Once everything is folded, force yourself to put all the folded clean items away into the proper place.

In my house with three ADD/ADHD kids, this is like asking my kids to amputate their right leg! No joke! So as the "nice mother" that I am, I stack their huge pile of clean clothes in separate categories for each kid to take to their bedroom and put away. This is still a sore spot with my kids who never seem to "get it!" when it comes to taking their clean clothes to literally place in the correct location.

Instead, usually after all of my hard work, my kids take their clean clothes and place them on the stairs, place them on a chair, place them in a heap in the corner of their bedroom floor or ignore the clean clothes for weeks on end. I kid you not, my kids simply refuse to listen to me and refuse to manage their own clothing.

What is rather funny is when my kids start complaining that they can not find a shirt or jeans or whatever. Hmmmmm.....Now I wonder why??????

Hey, sorry, I must have gone off on a typical ADDer tangent of mine over the never ending laundry. I will sum it up to say that you can decide for yourself if you will stay on task better with a timer to remind you to do the things that need to get done. For me, laundry and cooking are the biggies that I need kept on task. It does help me to push myself to move forward and complete what needs accomplished. I am not perfect, though. Just between you and me, there are plenty of times that I only wash and dry the clothes, but I leave a huge clean pile of clothes in the laundry basket for the next day. Of course, this drives my non-ADDer husband nutty! He does not understand why this is so difficult for me. Thankfully, my husband helps me with the laundry and it is such a blessing!

One thought on concentration....Other than medication there are natural alternatives that may help. Have you checked out the internet or any good websites about this option? Perhaps, you should definitely make sure to check out if there are any negative side effects, especially the heart. I do use many natural alternatives. My experience is that some work great and some were a waste of my money. Each individual may respond differently. Due to the stimulant meds not having a positive response, I have used natural alternatives for at least 12 years. There are pro's and con's about both traditional medication and natural alternatives.

As for my writing for publication and/or income, it is in God's hands and I trust that He has everything in control.

[Brenda]

Dana, I have searched a little on the internet about natural alternatives to ADD. I will continue to do so. It sounds like you have your act together on the laundry, especially when you have children, it makes a big difference. The timer I will try. If it works for you it may for me.

I'm just going to experiment until I find out what works best for me. The laundry, I have no problem. Whenever the dryer has finished drying the clothes a loud buzzer goes off and it goes right through me, but it works. Hey, maybe I am on to something here. As you said 1 or 2 priorities at a time.

Life is challenging for me, but I guess I would be bored if ws any other way. Med's or no med's I will continue to live, be positive, and be happy, especially whenever I have friends like you to assist me just when I need it the most. Thanks again for your time and caring attitude. I'm glad we are friends.

God is in control and I believe great things is ahead for you and your career. Keep up the good work.

[LateAgain]

Hi Dana, I'm new. I still have to go for testing but my headshrinker is pretty sure and more importantly, I am sure. I would have to say it's only been a month and I'm running back and forth between really angry, really depressed with an occasional feeling of optimism and I don't know that I'm entirely over my intial feelings of realization and shock. I think anyone who's had every question they've ever had about their life explained in 2 weeks would be in shock. I've let some of my friends know and got almost entirely all good feedback. I started to broach the subject with my mom and got deny, deny, deny. There's no way because you're very smart, you did'nt apply yourself, you hung out with bad kids, blah, blah, blah. I have to see my family tommorrow and I'm very anxious about it. I'm not blaming anyone for what's past but I don't want to hear denial. I found this on another website which may be of interest to you.

The experience of receiving a diagnosis and treatment of ADHD in adulthood: a qualitative study of clinically referred patients using interpretative phenomenological analysis.
Young S, Bramham J, Gray K, Rose E.
J Atten Disord. 2008 Jan;11(4):493-503. Epub 2007 Aug 21.

Department of Forensic Mental Health Science, Institute of Psychiatry, United Kingdom. [e-mail]

OBJECTIVE: To evaluate the psychological impact of receiving a diagnosis of ADHD in adulthood and treatment with medication and to examine how diagnosis and treatment with medication changes an individual's self-perception and view of the future. METHOD: Participants were eight individuals diagnosed with ADHD at a tertiary service. Semistructured interviews were conducted and the data were analyzed according to the principles of Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis. RESULTS: Three master themes emerge from the analysis: Participants engage in a (a) review of the past, particularly how they feel different from others, (b) the emotional impact of the diagnosis, and (c) consideration of the future. These themes suggest a six-stage model of psychological acceptance of a diagnosis of ADHD: (a) relief and elation, (b) confusion and emotional turmoil, (c) anger, (d) sadness and grief, (e) anxiety, and (f) accommodation and acceptance. CONCLUSION: The model indicates an important role for psychological treatment, which should begin at the point of diagnosis. Cognitive behavioral techniques will help clients diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood cope with the adjustment process. Adults should be taught skills to anticipate future hurdles and challenges and apply appropriate coping strategies.

*************************

A Phenomenological Analysis of the Experience of Receiving a Diagnosis and Treatment of ADHD in Adulthood: A Partner's Perspective.
Young S, Gray K, Bramham J.
2008 Feb 14. [Epub ahead of print]

Objectives: The objectives are to explore the experience of living with a person who has undergone a process of diagnosis in his or her adult years and to examine, from the partner's perspective, how diagnosis and treatment with medication affects the ADHD patients' understanding of themselves, their behavior, and their relationships with others. Method: Participants were the partners of eight patients who had been diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood. Semistructured interviews were conducted, and the data were analyzed according to interpretative phenomenological analysis. Results: Three master themes emerged from the analysis: perceptions of inadequacy of the ADHD partner, emotional impact of diagnosis, and medication not a panacea. Conclusion: Results indicate a need for psychological treatment to be provided to clients following diagnosis. Information leaflets for partners will also help partners' ability to facilitate their own knowledge and understanding, which in turn will help them better support their ADHD partners. (J. of Att. Dis. )
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[DANA]

Hi LateAgain! All of the emotions that you shared are very "normal" and expected. Perhaps, your mother is feeling rather guilty that she never dealt with this issue before? Or possibly, she never suspected anything and she is mystified by this new idea that you have ADHD?

My husband was in denial at first about me having ADHD. He insisted that ADDers do not have the ability to read books because their attention span is too short. The thing about ADDers is that all of us are unique in our own way, with our own likes and dislikes in life, with our own passions and talents, just like everyone else in this world. My husband could not believe it that I love to read, I can finish a book and I have been diagnosed with ADHD!

What is very strange is that my non-ADDer husband has the worst memory and I joke all the time about his memory being much worse than mine, the ADDer!

I do think that your mother may feel overwhelmed with your new diagnosis and she could be in shock, just like you feel in shock. Time will tell if she will open up and accept this new diagnosis or if she will ignore the facts to remain in denial. The best way to cope with this challenge is to provide the information and education about ADHD, but do not have high expectations of them to fully understand. We can not force others to believe what we know to be true, but we can definitely educate them and provide information. It is extremely helpful when family and friends are very supportive, compassionate and encouraging, but regardless of their acceptance or not, each of us ADDers need to take responsibility for our own life, health and wellbeing.

Having ADHD is a rather personal matter, in my opinion, which I do not share with everyone I know, including relatives, friends, co-workers and bosses. My best friend knows that I have ADHD, but many other friends have never been told and I do not feel any reason to share this. Perhaps, I have kept it in the "closet" because I know deep down that others may judge me harshly and I do not want to be discriminated upon?

The one thing that I know to be true is that ignorance is not bliss. It is not kind or considerate or sensitive or compassionate. Ignorance is choosing to keep your head in the sand, yet, verbally attacking others for things that they have NO knowledge about. Through the years, I have heard more individuals say the most cruelest things about kids with ADHD. Most of these individuals were totally unaware that I am the ADHD mom of 3 ADD/ADHD kids. The crazy comments that some ignorant people make are so ruthless and down right mean. Not to mention INACCURATE!

Sorry, looks like I got off track and onto a HOT topic that can truly tick me off. In all honesty, the one thing that having ADHD has done in my life is cause me to be extra-sensitive about people who do have ADD/ADHD as well as learning disabilities and emotional challenges. This is a very sensitive topic because I deal with it and so do my three kids. Does anyone else feel extra-sensitive about this, too?

Thank you so much for sharing the experience of receiving a diagnosis and treatment of ADHD in adulthood study. That was very informative!

Keep in touch and let me know how you are doing. Best wishes that everything soon falls into place very smoothly for you!

[LateAgain]

Thank you Dana, I've read many of your posts and blogs. I HAVE to see my parents tonight, it's my dad's b-day. It's actually the first of his birthday dinners I'm attending in years. (Bryan's story is mirror image of mine.) I'm going to mention it, see where it goes and leave a copy of Delivered from Distraction with them. What they choose to see or not see is up to them. I'm planning on not leaving angry. If anything, the killer of what my mom told me last night was. "the reason you are disorganized is because you always do to many things at once." and a very sarcastic, "well then, your father must have it too." Yah, uh-huh. I'll let you know how it goes.

[LateAgain]

I could'nt do it. The stress of just sitting there brings me right back to 1980 (I was 10). I left a copy of the book on a table, they'll find it.

[DANA]

LateAgain, guess what......Last night, I read your comment to me about going to your parents house for your dad's birthday. I thought that was good to hear and I was getting reading to type a message back to you, but there was a horrible rain storm going on in Pittsburgh in which suddenly we lost all of our electricity.

I hurried up and found all the candles to light around my house. My kids did not like the loud thunder, but I tried to ease their fears, while my husband snored away on the couch. Yup, that is right....He was totally oblivious to what was going on around him!

As it turned out, the electricity was out ALL night long. My daughter's camped out in my living room, my husband eventually worked his way to the bed, my son was in his bedroom, but I could not sleep. I was wide awake, in the dark, nothing to do so I got out my flashlight and literally read a good book in the dark!

Once I was sleepy, I went to bed, but I did not sleep as well as I would have liked. Then at 4:00 AM, my husband got up and turned on the generator so he could hook it up to the refrigerator. He was afraid of all the food going bad in the refrigerator. The generator is so loud that I could not sleep, but I was happy that I could hook my fan up to it so at least I could cool off!

I must have drifted off to sleep at some point when I woke up at 9:00 AM and realized that my electricity came back on. I forced myself out of bed to shut off the noisy generator. Then I was so tired from not getting a good night sleep so I headed back to bed for a few more hours.

At 12:00 PM, I got back up and my mother called me to let me know that my sister was trying to call me, but could not get through since the electricity shut off everything. I called my sister back to discover that my girlfriend had past away. Very sudden and very sad. She was only 45 years old, but she had a lifelong heart condition.

I went to the funeral home today and it was really hard to see her husband, kids and parents. Life seems so unfair at times.

Anyways, last night was very rough, but today got even more tough for me once I found out about the loss of my girlfriend. I am still in shock and can not believe that she is gone.

I read your newest comment about not talking to your parents about the ADHD. What happened when you were 10 years old? I think that you did the right thing by leaving a copy of the book on the table. If they are interested to learn more or have questions, you will hear from them. Just take one day at a time and see what happens.

[Gary]

Long story short: I was about 50 when I was diagnosed. My lovely wife's nephew has ADHD and since I knew nothing about this condition I looked it up. Surprise, I had most of the symptoms of ADD. I went to my MD who referred me to a psychologist specialising in adult ADD for evaluation. Yup, ADD.

My first reaction was relief. After all these years of struggling I now knew that there was an actual screw loose. Then I felt angry: How come none of the people who were supposed to look after me as a child did anything? Then I felt peace: 40 years ago there *was* no "ADD" or "ADHD" so my parents and teachers couldn't have known anything other than that I was "different."

As soon as the evaluation got back to my MD we tried dexedrine (which doesn't affect me - some days I hate my biochemistry!) and then methylphenidate, which works really well for me. One of my best friends is a cognitive-behavioural psychologist (I know how to pick 'em!) so I've been getting free tips every once in a while. I've also been studying the literature and finding my own techniques.

That's why, in my profile, I said "ADHD: I have it. It used to have me."

[DANA]

Gary, I am wondering how you are able to be so excellent at memorizing your lines for acting? Did you have trouble with memorizing or has this always come easy? How did you get into acting? Did you wife suspect that you had ADHD?

Yes, what you mentioned about 40 years ago there was no such thing as ADHD, I assume that was how I got lost in the shuffle along the way! I was the dreamer in school, always writing new stories and poems, staring out the window to dream about la la land! Back then, I was not hyper, I was just inattentive. However, for some odd reason, I definitely became more hyper as I matured. I am thinking that it is alright since it does help me accomplish many useful things in life and it gives me that extra boost of energy!