ADHD and NonADHD...

[Christy Meador]

Who is an ADD/ADHDer and the other person in your relationship is not? How do they handle it?

[doug puryear]

my poor wife says the only strategy is to pray for patience.

in fact, however, she helps me a lot, tho i am not always as appreciative as i should be.

recommend melissa orlovs book, the adhd effect in marriage, especially the second half on working together.

good luck

doug

[Bryan Hutchinson]

My wife and I laugh a lot, it really helps. I second Doug's suggestion about Melissa's book!

[AriesChick]

patience and lots of beer :) lol 

[Joe Cicci]

Everyday has ups and downs. When things go wrong, usually my fault cause I'm the one with the adhd. I'm easy to blame

[AriesChick]

lol thats true Joe :P  just kidding  ;-)

However, I try to be aware that my guy is just another person trying to make it day to day. I'm no walk in the park either. I just want to understand him as much as I love him.

[Trasonda Maharaj]

My poor husband says that after 30 years I "should know" all I can say is after 30 years he should realize AD/HD is REAL And I REALLY DON'T REMEMBER!!!!

[doug puryear]

yes

doug

[doug puryear]

trasondra

i meant to say

YES!

doug

[Ben Falkenstein]

My ex and I were together for six years. We never married but we had a child when we were 20. Our relationship was always rocky but I contributed that to being young and just tried to work through it. She left once when our daughter was 1 and again when she was 3. Both times she left she immediately moved in with another man. One day my family lived with me the next, her and my daughter lived with another man. The first time it was my best friend. I thought that was the worst, until the second time when it was a complete stranger. At least when she moved in with my "friend" I knew my daughter was safe. The stranger ended up not being a good person (big surprise). Dispite all of this I still love her. I understand that she makes compulsively bad decisions that are out of her control. We are older now an she makes better decisions. On a selfish note, it almost hurts more that she's getting help and taking steps towards controlling her ADD and we aren't together. I wish I was with her to be able to love the person she is. I'm pretty confused right now and I'm at a crossroads. On one hand I want to be with her again, I want to work hard to "win her back", but on the other hand I know that that is almost impossible and think I should take steps towards moving on and breaking the deep connection I had made with her. She left four years ago and I'm still faithful to my love for her. I've been single the entire four years and can't even entertain the thought of finding another women. I want to learn more about ADD so that I might understand my situation and choose which path I should take. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[doug puryear]

ben

this is a good place to learn about ADD.

there's also a lot of good books, including The ADHD Effect on Marriage.

have you considered counseling?

best wishes

doug

[Ben Falkenstein]

I'm beginning to consider counseling. I'm really at my wits end. I'm normally very confidant in my ability to process my emotions and figure out the best course for a given situation, but after four years of not knowing what to do and being in a type of limbo with her I've decided to seek help. There are many layers to this situation; including my families disapproval with my ex (which comes from their refusal to understand ADDers), but I figure understanding her is a good step no matter which direction I choose: fighting for her or letting go. One of my many worries is going through all the work of getting her back an having her relapse (if that's the correct term) and leaving me again. I don't think myself or our child could handle that. She's 7 now and I think it would hurt her more now than when she was 3.

[Christy Meador]

Ben ~

I have to agree with Doug. I think you should probably consider the counseling. I wonder, is she leading you to believe that there may be a chance that you all can reconcile? I think before I would agree to do that (because of her past) I would insist that the two of you go to couples counseling. There's just to much at stake where your daughter is concerned and you need to know that your ex is going to be willing to put in the work.

Just my opinion.

~ Christy