Would your wife be willing to give marital therapy a chance? It sounds like you are sincere in your desire to change. Can you tell her that you are willing to work with a professional to address the problems and that you will do whatever the therapist recommends to improve your relationship? Let her know that if she still feels estranged from you after working with a professional, then at least she will know that both of you gave it your best try.
It sounds like a lot of your behavior reflected AD/HD symptoms (impulsivity, anger management problems, etc.), but there was also a disrespect on your part which allowed you to treat your wife so poorly. Let her know that this was unacceptable on your part and that she deserves much better treatment than you gave her. Ask her for the opportunity to become a better husband and to treat her the way she deserves to be treated.
Let us know what happens. You are in a community that understands and cares.
I agree with Dr Avery,
Honest, humble expressions of accepting responsibility for your words and actions is where to start. If you have a hard time communicating, write her a letter. Be honest, respect both of you and your children. Each day ask for the strength to face the challenges of that day with all that you know to be right. Set your goals for the day, write them down and then do them. Be kind and as patient as you can. Let your wife express herself without feeling attacked. You have this community for support, let it out here not at home. Remember love is not an emotion, but an action. All you can do is 1 day at a time. Let her have a chance to regain her trust. My married son is 36 so this is coming from a peer with ADD and a mom that believes in principaled living. Really not much is in our control except our
way of handling the things in our lives. Let this family here know how you and your family are doing
all the best
Wow. That was really nicely put, Donna.
Well I can't stop her and nothing I do or say will change her mind. She is stubborn and even though everyone else sees the changes she refuses to accept that I can and am changing to be a better person and address the issues I have. She says everything I have been talking about are just excuses and it doesn't matter. I don't want my marriage to end but don't see any way it will change. I would love for her to go with me to a therapist to just work through the issues because she is still very angry and everything and anything I say is met with hostility. She says we don't talk but every time I talk to her she snaps at me or has an attitude or smart remark. I just wish she would step back and see what I am doing.
I'm sorry Tony. Keep your cool during this stressful time. Exercise, take long walks, keep in touch with your friends on ADDerWorld.
Sounds like to me Tony, you might not be the one with the biggest issues in this marriage. At least you are trying to fix your end of the deal, what about her? Hounding a person until a person blows isn't a very nice thing to do either. That is just as abusive as a nasty name if not more. Keep up the good work and make sure you start making friends where you can. You of course always have all of us here.