Anger and Meds

[Barry]

I'm taking a form of Ritalin and guanfacine. I was diagnosed 1 year ago. Im 33 years old.. I'm just really frustrated and am hoping members might have a small peice of advice. I don't like taking the medicine, but I think I have learned to control my anger with it. My focus however is good some days and other days very hazy. My wife is understanding at times but Many times she says things that are hurtfull and really upset me. Now she is thinking that I might have manic or bipolar in me.  This made me upset because I'm confident that I have ADHD. It just makes sence. I get frustrated when I don't hear what somebody says. And then I get frustrated when they get mad that I wasn't paying attention.  My wife hates to repeat herself. I hate it when she gets mad at me. Or frustrated with me. Does your wife or husband get mad with you when you make them repeat things?   Well, I sure hope Im not a long annoying message.  If you read this, then thank you and any reply at all would be very appreciated.

[Judy]

Sure, anger is a big part of daily life.  Well, I should say irritation and frustration over the 100's of daily annoyances that come along.  For me, my temper flares at the slightest perceived provocation, and the short fuse is something I struggle to control all the time.  I have found that keeping my mouth shut is most effective at avoiding the full blown argument over what turns out to be simple misunderstandings.

My biggest helper is post it notes…when I'm busy focusing on something and the hubby comes along with a question or something important to say, or he wants me to do something, I jot down a reminder and stick it on my computer.  That way, when I am done I have a note to tell me what to get to next. The biggest thing is he knows not to expect me to pull out of my zone immediately and snap over to what he wants to do.  

In the end, we both have to work at it.  He often has to clarify what my post it note means and I have to remember to write it down.  And not get angry because he interrupted me while I was hyper focusing.  Both keep the irritation to ourselves.  

[Sally]

Hi Patrick,

I am familiar with Ritalin but not with quanfacine.  I know for myself I have had to

try a lot of different stimulants like Ritalin to see which one worked the best for me.

Each one acts differently for each person.  I don't know if you where diagnosed by a psychiatrist

or your family doctor but a psychiatrist is usually more knowledgeable about medicines

and can help you with each of your different symtoms.  Your anger problem might not have

anything to do with your ADHD and could be treated differently.  For me my antidepressants

help with my anger not my stimulant.  Again, we are all different.

It's important that each family member be knowledgeable about your ADHD.  It's hard for people

to understand ADHD if they aren't ADHD themselves you might ask your wife if she would

be interested in learning about it along with you.  The more you can learn about it the better

off you will be.  Read as much as you can about it.  As you learn you will ind different stratigies

that can help you cope with the symtoms.  There is a lot of good info on this site.  I hope this

helps you alittle, keep communicating with us and you will learn more and more.:)

[Sharon Smith]

Medications like Ritalin and Adderall can exacerbate anger in some people.  I have ADHD and Posttraumatic Stress Disorder and my psychiatrist would not put me on any stimulants without an antianxiety medication.  I take Buspar and Adderall and the combination works to keep my anger in check but I still have to exercise self-control and ignore many things that irritate me.  I agree with Judy's post I keep my mouth shut most of the time and have discovered that most of what irritates me I can do nothing to change in other people.  I have to change me and when I choose to change me my environment will change for the better.  I am my own worse enemy at time and become frustrated when I can't focus, can't understand complex processes or concepts, or just don't hear what someone is saying to me.  I left a long relationship January 2012 after he could no longer contain his frustration with me forgetting things etc.  I am so happy to be on my own free of the guilt associated with a mate that does not want to understand or help.  I have time to work on improving me and I love it.  Being free of that emotional turmoil is helping me tremendously.  You know how it is with ADHD our emotions are intense and I am able to recognize better areas I want to improve in my behaviors without emotional baggage.  I understand your feelings and hope things improve for you.  

[Helena]

You guys sound just like me and my husband and I'm willing to bet half of the married couples in the world have this issue, sometimes I think it's about partners wanting to feel understood and appreciated, and we think if someone hasn't heard us then they don't love or care about us pretty silly but true. I have learned that if I really want my husband to remember something I have to make sure he is looking at me and have him repeat back what he heard me say also if I write him a list of things that we need done around the house it helps because he can then just check each one off(this also works with my ADD teenage son's chores) My husband has ADD and a slight hearing disability  and I have been diagnosed with ADD and depression, which makes things really challenging! Tell her you love her, that she needs to make sure your focused when she tells you things, and she's beautiful it often helps good luck

[Melanie Salman]

I couldn't agree more with Judy & Sharon. Sharon says"

"I agree with Judy's post I keep my mouth shut most of the time and have discovered that most of what irritates me I can do nothing to change in other people.  I have to change me and when I choose to change me my environment will change for the better. "

This is my mantra. I wasn't able to do this or see it until I got on Adderall XR at 39. I suggest seeing a psychologist AND cognitive behavioral therapist. Changing your thought process to be more focused on changing your behavior AND keeping yourself and reactions positive is key. 

[lynda gunther]

I was taking dexadrine and found that by the end of the day my mood changed from cheerful to one of a barking mean dog.  My roommate couldn't stand being around me, and I couldn't even stand being around myself.  My Dr. has recently put me on strattera.   Strattera seemed to work for the 1st week.  I have been on it for 1 month.  I am back to where I was before I started taking medication, hyperactive, impulsive, and no attention span.  This is what I am like taking 100 mg of Strattera a day.  Has anyone out there ever been on/or is currently taking Strattera?   I am ready to go back on dexadrine and deal with the crankyness.  Help!!!!

[Judy]

I have never taken Strattera, however I have taken 5 years worth of SSRI's or anti-depressants, so I can compare how I felt on those types of meds and Dexedrine, which I take now.  30 mg slow release Dexedrine works fairly well.  At the end of the day, when it begins to wear off, I am different, moodier, more irritable and SO tired I can barely keep my eyes open past 9:30PM (I take the meds very early in the A.M. between 4:30-5 AM).  While I'm not "cheerful" when on Dexedrine, I am able to focus on what needs to be done, or rather, what I should be doing.  Doesn't mean I actually get everything done that I planned on doing, but it does allow me to be aware of my surroundings and get some things done.  

I attended the CHADD Conference this past Saturday, and learned a couple of things.  First, my dosage is probably not high enough, which I will discuss with my doctor when I see him this month.  There were about 300 people at the conference, with information booths set up all around the large room.  Upon entering I was instantly distracted, somewhat overwhelmed and a little over-stimulated with all that was going on.  I flitted from spot to spot, touching and looking at all the things displayed.  2nd, during the highly entertaining, engaging and informative talks given by the experts, I was extremely fidgety, but still able to pay attention.  3rd, the presentations were a wake up call and my first clue that my meds were probably not sufficient and the dosage needed to be higher.  4th, I sorely lack self-awareness, which is probably my biggest issue.  The cues I need to take care of myself, from the basic needs to the proper environment, must be BIGGER so I can remember to brush my teeth, recognize hunger for hunger and realize when my stressors/irritations are all in my head and not attacks/rejections by others.  Becoming a mean barking dog happens from over stimulation, when your senses are overloaded and are too much to filter.  Barking is your cue that you need to withdraw yourself to a quiet place, relax and even meditate if you can.  I tried it yesterday, took myself away from the presence of others when I irritated myself and was full of anxiety.  Although I'm too hyper to sit and meditate in the traditional way, I can certainly use music (iPod + earphones + favourite calming music), plug in my earphones and walk.  Withdraw into yourself and move about if that is your need, or just withdraw to another room in solitude if that is possible.  Whatever works for you.  

Which is the key in all this.  Finding and using whatever works for you.  If it allows you to get yourself together so that you are fit for human company, then do it.  And check the dosage of the meds with your doctor, because oftentimes, it's the right medicine but not enough of it.

Good luck.  I hope you find some peace and self-knowledge.  Oh, and maybe an ADD coach could help you.  Worth a shot, right?

[Holly]

Lynda,

I took Strattera for several years, and, like you, only really noticed it helping for the first week. I just kept hoping that maybe it was doing something for me that was less than perceptible to me, but when I finally got off of it, I didn't notice any difference. It was like I had been taking a placebo.

Good luck with figuring out your meds! I'm still totally lost in my search.

Holly

[lynda gunther]

  Hi Holly,

That is how I feel.  It's like taking a placebo.  I don't feel anything at all.  Are you on anything at the moment?  What other medications have you tried?  

Lynda

[Holly]

Lynda,

Thanks for your reply! I'd like to reply to you in a personal message, so as not to highjack Patrick's thread and get off his topic. So I sent you a friend request, because I guess we have to be friends for me to send you a message :)

Holly

[Josef Hoffman]

Patrick, 

You said you don't like taking medication but it has helped you control your anger. What don't you like about taking the medication? Is it the side effects or are you uncomfortable with the idea of being medicated to cope? Both?

Also, do you have more or less problems with your wife when you are medicated?

I get upset when people try to diagnose me with other conditions as well. I also struggle with anger control, but less so when I am on medication. 

Your wife will also need to be taught how to deal with your eccentricities. Maybe a family counselor could help? She should be encouraged to at the very least do her own research. There are great books out there.  

[Melissa Orlov]

The two of you should set up a verbal cue - people with ADHD sometimes get distracted from conversations and lose track - it's not in either person's best interests to ignore this fact.  So try agreeing that if you lose track of a conversation you will say something like "Can you repeat that?  I just spaced out for a minute and didn't hear what you said."  She would then respond by repeating what she said.  This type of cue puts the person with the ADHD as the one responsible for needing the repeat...and agreeing up front that it's in everyone's self interest softens the interaction and makes it more neutral for her and for you.  Also, it saves you getting frustrated because you don't spend time trying in vain to recreate stuff you didn't hear (and recreating incorrectly most likely, which is frustrating to her, too.)