Is anyone with ADHD really happy?

[Amy T]

I was so excited to stumble on this site, but to be honest, after reading a lot of posts, I feel miserable.  ADHD is ruining everyone's relationships, some think it's unfair to ever marry and put someone else through this, others feel it's completely wrong to bring children into the world.  If that is true, is there anything worth living for?  I have to believe that God created me with a big heart to love for a reason.  I am 40, and am tired of being hurt over and over.  This gives me no hope.  No wonder so many people with ADHD are suicidal.  So sad...

[Liz♥]

Hi Amy,

I just got done complaining in my latest blog post. And it was helpful to actually get it out and try to move on.  I keep on keeping on and that is what I call life.   I have to say yes there is a lot of downers with AD/HD but there are also a lot of FUN.  For instance there is a certain kind of quirky humor that I've found most of "us" have and also hope for happiness like everyone else with or without AD/HD.  

In respect to you tired of being hurt over and over, I would suggest looking really deep inside yourself and see if you are attracting a certain type.  I know I did in my younger days ;)  Then try and "protect yourself" by that knowledge of yourself and tell yourself when you find yourself getting into the same situation that hurts you ~ NO! I won't let myself be led by the nose and hurt again, I deserve to be happy and healthy and make my own choices in life.

Of course this is all easy to say or type for that matter, but it is a beginning of self awareness and self-love ♥

Wishing you find happiness and joy in the love of life ~ Liz

[doug puryear]

wow, down.  It may not help you to know, but to answer your question, I am very happy, very.  good marriage of 54 years, wasn't always good and add was part of the reason.  spiritual life is a source of joy, and of much improvement in relationship.  so are strategies, so the add doesnt mess up my life and my relationship.  wonderful grandkids.  and more. therapy helped a lot.  if you have a depression, you can get treated for it.

point is that it is possible and if i can do it so can you.  strategies, therapy, spiritual life. 

amy's point is good.  

also, although, i am very happy with my relationship, there is more to life than marriage and children.

best wishes

doug

[Amy T]

Thanks Doug,

It is hopeful to hear that someone is very happy with their life.  Why shouldn't we be?  And Liz, I completely understand what you are saying about that certain "quirky" personality. :)  There are only certain people who appreciate that personality, and I try to seek them out.  "Blind dates" don't work well and my friends think I'm too picky.  My last boyfriend was very quirky and we were the best of friends.  But unfortunately, after a year, I found myself misinterpreting his words or actions, overreacting to small things, getting defensive, on top of my habit of interrupting and needing to be "right".  Of course I didn't see any of this as my fault at the time, but now after doing some reading, I learned that these are common ADHD traits, and it takes a very special person to handle someone so difficult.

Those who refuse to date or bring kids into the world seem to have already given up.  I'm going to hold onto the little hope I have and maybe i'll have the "happily ever after" ending that Doug has.  There may be more to life than marriage and children, but when all of my friends are in their 30's and doing just that, I am the one missing out.  To me, life is much better when you have people to share it with. Even God said, "It is not good for man to be alone", and created Eve.  I've lived a life of loneliness, and it's going to have to change.  Hopefully my insurance covers therapy

[doug puryear]

hopefully

i thought of some books that might be helpful to you, about relationships:

the dance of anger, or , the dance of intimacy  --- lehrner

men who hate women and the women who love them

men are from mars women from venus

add and marriage - melov

good luck

doug

[Robert Hogan]

hello Amy,

I believe therapy will be very Good as it has helped me tremdously amd have been on meds for my ADHD for three yrs and my life has taken a complete turn around wish you the best.

 

Rob

[Amy T]

Rob,

How did you seek out your therapist?  In what ways has it helped you?  We have employee assistance program thru work that provides free confidential counseling, but I don't know if they specialize in ADHD. Otherwise I need to select someone from our insurance catalog and hope they can work miracles!

[doug puryear]

try to make sure they are knowledgeable about add/adhd-if you have choices

it really doesn't take miracles, it takes some luck and discernment in who you work with  and then it takes courage, hard work and persistence

good luck!

doug

[Kenn]

Amy,

There is always hope. If you'd found the right guy, you would be with him, but that does not mean he isn't out there. You are beautiful, obviously intelligent....someone will be very happy with you, and you with him.

[Bryan Hutchinson]

Indeed, Amy, it is possible to find the right person, find the right job and to be happy. I am very happy with life right now. Maybe it hasn't always been that way (putting it nicely), but today it is and that is what is important. I have been lucky to find the right person and to have the right job and to have been diagnosed with ADHD. The diagnosis changed everything and helped me understand so much about myself. I think it is normal to write out the struggles and the pain, but it is also just as important to admit when you are happy, when things are good and when things are looking up. ADHD is not the end of the world.

 

Bests,

Bryan

[Devon]

Hi Amy, I think one thing to realize which I've been fortunate enough to see is that every person on the face of the earth is dealing with who we are as a person.  I've been a transitional coach for 15 years.  Having coached both people who the world perceive as 'extremely successful' as well as people who the world perceive as quirky or strange or not financially successful I've realized that there is much pain and suffering on all sides.  I've also been fortunate enough to work a lot in Africa as well where life is very difficult for many many people.  A deep sense of spirituality helps a lot.  Those whithout it feel bottomless and those with it feel a sense of holding, safety and deep faith that what and who they are is so important.  Your uniqueness is what makes you who you are and you are part of a 'greater whole' attached to all things.  Who you are is so necessary for all of us and for life itself - otherwise you would not have been here.  You being who you are carries deep deep value for all of life - Having a partner and a step son with ADHD for me is a priveledge - both are such beautiful people with very special characters, ways of looking at the world that have been a gift for me to be a part of of.  It broadens my perspective on life and allows me to see life in a different way.  It pushes me to see that the way I see my world is  only one perspective and is not the 'Truth' but only my truth.  The differences between us and our worlds makes life broader, more expansive and fuller.   If we can deeply understand and see the suffering and pain in all beings we feel know that every person suffers with themselves and judges themselves harshly - even the people you see as living 'easily' or 'successfully' - it is not true - they too suffer with themselves.  If you can see yourself as a gift to others - every time you enter into someones life even if the relationship does not last you are giving them something and teaching them something - sometimes they cannot see this and make you the problem - know that this is not true and someday they will thank you for being in their lives.  I think a question you can ask is ' is any human being truly happy?' -  I have found the people who are happy are the ones who have learned to value their unique self, value their intricate place in the grand scheme of life and have found peace in small things, small activities and within themselves.  This is where the happiness lies.  If you can't see your beauty and value it will be hard for others to see it.  If you develop a deep sense of compassion for yourself - this will be felt around you.  If you can see the suffering in others you will also feel a deep connection with others. 

[Amy T]

Thank you for all your support. :) i really appreciate it! It is really hard to see myself as a gift to others, because I have caused them more burden. Financially, issues with job loss, things in my personality that people view as selfish, irresponsible, or just an emotional basket case. My friends have told me what they appreciate about me, but my family is still stuck on trying to fix me. I just wish for once I was the one with my life together. I do find myself happy in the moment. Thanks to my short attention span, I can forget the bad and be taken over by a sunny day or a palm tree. But the unhappiness returns when I feel the lOnely void in my heart. I like to think that God wouldn't hold something such as love from me - the one thing I long for. But I don't think about it too much, as I get angry that I was selected for lOneliness as I watch my friends dreams come true. I'm still patiently waiting for now.
Thanks again guys!

[Amy T]

Ps. Sorry I've been so down.  It just hit me one day, over a month after the breakup, and now I can't get through the day without crying.  My mind keeps rewinding back to the part of my life that I loved, and it's killing me. This morning I got to work early and even wore a new shirt for good measure ... I really thought it would be a great day!  But something changed and I'm miserable!  Is it normal to be this sad when you miss someone?  I already take Pristiq for depression because I can't take SSRI's. I don't know what to do.  Has anyone else ever felt this way?