Is there a happy ending for people with ADD/HD?

[Anna Newman]

I'm newly diagnosed ADD and still reading and learning and trying medicines and trying to figure out what having ADD really means. I thought that knowing the name of the problem that has plagued me all my life would be the start of fixing it. I thought that having a medicine and reading and learning would mean there was a cure and if I followed the yellow brick road I'd arrive where everyone else in the world already is, the city called "Normal". I thought it meant I'd be "normal", like everyone else and that I'd fit right in and be considered a citizen and at long last I would belong. So I took the pills, read the books, blogs, and everything else. I clicked my heels and nothing happened. The next thing I read said "...dealing with ADD/HD isn't about being normal, it's about acceptance". And I've been encouraged to find my strengths and use them. That's a long ways from the promise land. So, Is anyone w/ADD/HD happy? Fulfilled? Fit in? Feel "normal"? Treated "normal"? Living the dream? Being ahead of the game? Is there a happy ending somewhere? I'd like to hear from someone that has a personal, in the first-person, true success story. I'm switching to chasing rainbows now.

[Bryan Hutchinson]

Anna,

I enjoyed reading this so much that I had to read it twice. Beautifully written.

As they say, and it is true, happiness comes from within. First and foremost, you are never going to find that cure we so desperately seek. When first diagnosed with ADHD there is the search for the magic pill, for the magic answers and just something to make everything better. And it seems to me you are finding it. I have found my 'cure' in communicating with others, reading about personal experiences and sharing mine. We can set up routines, set timers and write journals, but, what helps us more than anything is talking, communicating, becoming social and knowing that we are not alone. The problem is in the concept that something is 'wrong' with us. We have our challenges and one of the drawbacks is that we tend to focus on those challenges instead of recognizing them and changing our focus to what we can do well and strengthening ourselves, including our esteem, in those areas.

You seem to be coming to the realization that there is a lot more to ADHD than any one technique or pill could ever hope to cure. Techniques and medication can be helpful, if they work for you; however, the real answer is in your own personal self-development. Learn all that you can, read the books, listen to the audios, talk to people who share similar experiences but, try to stay away from the naysayers and downers. The ultimate way I have found is to help others, reaching out a helping hand either with tidbits of advice or just a simple ‘you can do it’ because, Anna, you can and will do it.

Bryan

[Anna Newman]

Thanks Bryan for your reply. Above all, I value your input, insights and shared experiences because when I read your work I'm often just stunned to see myself, only slightly veiled, in your descriptions and have, on more than one occassion, found the answer to a perplexing question I've been asking myself for years. A few times I have honestly felt like you were speaking directly to me because the details were so exact and the content was timely to my own situation. I'm still wrapping my mind around the fact that offers suffer the same exact problems as me and it's really just symptomatic of the condition. I am, as you say, a "late bloomer", awakening only now infact. I was thrilled when I thought there was a cure. Now the sobering realization that the best I can hope for is acceptance leaves me feeling deflated. "Acceptance" is like saying "tolerance", like I'll "put up" with it. I ask-Is that all there is? Isn't there something better? How can I help anyone else if I can't help myself? I will continue to read and re-read your adivce and really meditate on it because I believe you know what you're talking about and I value your input. Looking forward to reading more of your work. Thanks a bunch for your help. (I'll let you know when/if I make progress :) ) Anna

[Bryan Hutchinson]

Very nice of you Anna, thank you. I think you are already making progress. It might not seem like that today or even this week or month, but over time it will become apparent to you. I know it will. It may not seem obvious to you right now. The yellow brick road isn't a bad place, it can actually be a wonderful place to visit and even stay a while when we understand it. :-)

[Anna Newman]

Hmmmmm....I don't know. If there's any progress here already it's certianly well disguised. I wonder if the wizard has any perspective for me in that bag of his. I'll keep following the yellow brick road, but this would be a really great time for a visit from a good witch because these shoes hurt, the ruby sparkles are all gone and if I'm gonna make it to OZ (aka normal) I'm gonna need better shoes than these for traveling! ha-ha. Thanks a bunch! :) Anna

[Bryan Hutchinson]

It is so enjoyable to read your words... keep on keeping on, the wizard is on the way, making a B-line to you!

[Bryan Hutchinson]

PS: did you ever notice how curvy a B is? Maybe there is a good reason why the B was used in describing a straight line? Now that's something to go hmmmmmmmm about! lol

[Michelle MacGregor]

Anna:

I like to think of my life and the ADHD issue in this way. I have ADHD. I have asthma, eczema and allergies. I am nearsited and am sometimes overweight. Whatever.

I am also fun, take great joy in the things I do. I am loving, caring and creative. I love to laugh and I live life in a way that many people do not. Whatever.

It is great to have a diagnosis and I even find the medication I am taking helpful. I also now understand many many things that happened as I grew up that I just wrote off to being a mess and drinking too much or moral failing. So in many ways it is an immense relief to have a diagnosis and reason. The key is not to get too caught up in the diagnosis as a bad thing. Like many things that people experience, there are plus sides and down sides, so the trick is to manage the downside and maximize the upsides.

There is no cure for being. You are who you are. There is no need to chase a rainbow, just look for it where you are. Being a person who has immense organizational challenges and lives with two very disorganized people (4 year old and husband), I cannot say that my life is without immense challenges. Last year at one time I had decided it would be a good idea to be a mother, pursue egg donor ivf, work part time and go to school part time to finish my degree. Now I understand that no one can accomplish all of those things effectively, but I was treating my ADD by creating adrenaline and stress to fuel my ability to get things done. This was too much and I had to make changes - combining all of those things was probably not a great idea and I had a lot of stress and pain over that, but all of that led to the psychologist who ultimately diagnosed me with ADD, so was it that bad?

But I do not blame the ADD for this, because truly my ADD allowed me to get A's while going through that and keep my job until laid off and get unemployment and still parent. My ADD allowed me to still take photographs and knit and read during that time. There is so much that my ADD has given me that to manage the difficulties is very worth it to me.

Shoot, I am babbling, but I am hoping that this will move you beyond acceptance to embracing your ADD and management of difficult symptoms, like depression and sadness and irritability and negative thinking - oh and did I mention poor memory skills and disorganization? Haha!

I want you to think of all of the things that you can do that others cannot. Think of all of the experiences that you have had that others may never have even dreamed of - I know there is a down side to those, but embrace the upside to the extent that you can. There is no need for a "cure" just a management of the symptoms that give you trouble. If you were to "cure" the ADD, you would not be you are and would miss so much! I would never have met my husband without my ADD because I was implulsive and talked to him!

I am sure that you will make progress and in my opinion - to be a late bloomer is great! Just think of all of the people you know who are living boring lives where they have done the same exact thing for 20 years but are only 50, so they still have to do it for another 15 or 20 before they can retire. Your life is just going to get better from here! Your introspection will lead you to self awareness and an ability to manage the troublesome symptoms and embrace the great aspects of your brain.

I do not want anyone to think that I am minimizing the impact of this diagnosis and brain disorder on my life or on anyone's life, I just think it is more useful to try to think of it in a way that normalizes it for me. My child had classic ADHD as well and I am very sad that he does have it, but his personality just shines - and it is truly the untreated ADHD that causes the raft of self-esteem related issues that I suffer from - so for him I will advocate and adapt. I will encourage and praise and I will tell him how unique and fabulous he is!

You can find this place in yourself too!

[Lisa]

Dear Anna, I am 51. I was diagnosed at 49. I felt the same way. Great, I'll buy the books and take the meds and I'll be cured. That didn't happen. It's been trial and error but after 2 years I feel like I am making my success. I'm doing what I do better, life is more in control. Two things have helped me: making friends with my brain and slowing down. Plus, the medicine. I need it. I've tried to see if I could just understand myself better and improve without the medicine but that didn't work. Be patient. There is no such thing as normal anyway. Just work on being a better you.

[Anna Newman]

Hi Lisa-Thanks for your response, that's just what I'm looking for-someone with a success story! I know I'm new and don't know nearly as much as many others do on this subject, but I have to believe that like all other conditions or disorders or whatever they may be called, there has to be someone affected that has broken thru to the other side and found the same level of success, happiness and/or normallcy as others not dealing with ADD/HD. And that's what I'm kinda looking for. If someone has done it, then any of us can. If no one has, then there's an uncharted territory out there somewhere waiting to be discovered. Does that make sense??? I love hearing about success-any kind. Thanks for sharing your with me.

[Michelle MacGregor]

Anna, I wrote just before, but I thought that I would share what I think is my success story.

I am 39, 40 in October. I am just now finishing my bachelor's degree and am a happily married and have a 4 1/2 year old son. I am happy and have friends that I love. I own a house and have two fairly new cars, a cat and a dog.

My house is messy and I am always late - and I still never write a paper earlier than it is due, but I am getting all A's where in college initially I only got A's in the things I enjoyed.

I worked hard for this and persevered through many hard things, but I think I have had success without even having been diagnosed. I had gone back to school before the diagnosis. I was married and owned a home before the diagnosis.

It is not uncharted, but you will have to find your own way. It may not be the easiest, but if you look closely, you will find what makes you shine too!

[Cathie]

Hi Anna,

I'm pretty newly diagnosed (ADHD, combined type), but guessed that I had it about 20 years ago when I read a book (I think it was called "You mean I'm not I'm not Stupid, Lazy or Crazy?") and recognized myself on just about every page.

The way I look at it is that "normal" is a setting on the clothes dryer. There are no "normal" people. If you look at someone and think they're "normal" it's likely that you're comparing your insides to their outsides. Everyone has moments when they think that everyone's figured it out but them....it's just not so. You never know, someone might be looking at you and thinking you're normal compared to them :-)

Now, this doesn't mean that there haven't been consequences to my ADHD behavior. There has been for sure, but everyone has "stuff" they have to work on and deal with. Most of mine just happens to fall under the ADHD umbrella :-)

So, as far as a success story.....what is it that you want? Because whatever you want will be your success. My success (well so far, I'll consider myself a "work in progress" until the day I die ). I had a successful career in the technology field...but felt that I wanted something more/different. Now, I will state that I found success in my former field by operating on my strengths....I didn't work in a cubicle somewhere, I worked in jobs that allowed me to utilize my problem solving abilities in a 24/7 environment....can't be late when you live where you work . In other words, I looked for positions where I could use my strengths and minimize my weaknesses. The something more I found is a career change into healthcare. I've finally decided to go to school (I'm 40 so I realize I've done this completely backwards ). So, I'll be graduating with my BS in another two years. School this time around is a completely different experience....you see, this time...I know how my brain works! I'm also officially diagnosed this time and am even taking meds. Truly a different experience.

I wish you the best as you wander on down the yellow brick road :-)

[Miss K]

Oh Gosh Anna, I know just what you mean...or at least I know my own version of just what you mean :)

I am recently diagnosed myself and am in a similar stage. I am actually here browsing because I had just come to that initially awful realization of "oh crap...the medicine is taking the edge off, I feel better, I'm learning all kinds of amazing new things about myself and people like me...but I'm still me, I still have ADHD, and...I'm never going to be normal really am I...". But I guess what I realized is that it's just a normal (haha) stage of an acceptance process. I really did have this idea of what "better" or "normal" was supposed to mean when I got my diagnosis and I was so relieved. But I am now seeing that that's never going to be me :) The trick now is finding out what "better" IS going to mean for me. So far the journey hasn't been too bad...but that sure is a big can of worms to swallow all at once, isn't it? Thank you for posting...

Even though my diagnosis is new too, I do see that medication, for me, is helping, and that new strategies for living are making improvements in my life...so I'm going to just try to focus on that, while grieving just a little, for what I thought this diagnosis was going to give me :)