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Whether you are a male or female, have you ever met your soulmate? If so, did you know right from the start that this individual was your soulmate or did it take time to come to this reality?

Was this love at first sight? Also, can an individual have MORE than one soulmate in their lifetime?

Do you think there is a difference between true love and experiencing love with a soulmate? If so, what is the difference?

According to the Wikipedia, a soulmate is a term sometimes used to designate someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, and/or compatibility. A related concept is that of the twin flame or twin soul – which is thought to be the ultimate soulmate, the one and only other half of one's soul, for which all souls are driven to find and join. However, not everyone who uses these terms intends them to carry such mystical connotations.

On Yahoo Answers, a soulmate is described as "Being the OTHER YOU. This will be the one you spend the rest of your life loving, and getting to know. You will still argue and fight, but you will also complete each others sentences and instinctively understand the others feelings. This is the person you look for all your life, and no matter when you find them, they are always worth the wait."

Personally, as a female ADDer, I find my emotions and feelings go deep and are strong with remarkable intensity, but I am curious if this is just a "girly" thing or if it is something that ADDer guys experience, too?

Tags: LOVE, MATE, RELATIONSHIPS, SOUL

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Great question, Dana! I too, experience everything emotional with deep intensity, and I've felt completely connected and in tune with a number of the guys that have come in and out of my life... for a time. I'm not so sure I believe in the idea that there is one person out there that is meant for you... at the same time though, I do have someone in my life who is the closest thing that I have ever come to calling a 'soulmate'. I've known him forever, we've dated off and on - mostly off... but there is an undeniable connection between us, that doesn't seem to ever fade, no matter how many years we go without speaking, no matter what relationships we've had with others, there is something that ties the two of us together - even though we're not 'together'. We're like those people in a movie, who keep missing each other by 5 minutes - it's almost comical. We always say that one day, the stars will align, and things will work out for us... whether that will ever happen, who knows? But does it mean that I can't be happy with someone else? Not at all...

Not sure if I answered your question LOL... got that ramblin' ADDer thing going on tonite!
NerdyMommy, have you ever watched the movie "SERENDIPITY" with John Cusack? I have watched that movie over & over because I just love it! It is one of those "hopelessly romantic" chick flicks in which we totally understand this magical connection that the couple felt for one another the first time their eyes met. They were destined to be soulmates.....And lets not forget the suspenseful scenes in which they continually keep missing each other by only 5 minutes! It is comical, but it has me sitting on edge, waiting for fate to take place to somehow bring these two individuals together to meet. Of course, the movie always has a happy ending! But that is what makes it so great!!!

Another sentimental movie is "SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE" with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. If you have not seen this, it is worth seeing! I have watched this movie so many times that I have lost count! Once again, it is about two people who live miles and miles apart......Yet, fate works in their favor by surprisingly bringing them together at the same time, in the exact same building, on the exact same evening, which happens to land on VALENTINE'S DAY!

Just thinking about that unbelievable meeting brings a tingle down my spine!!! There is nothing better than romantic comedies! My favorite of all favorite type of movies!!! You laugh, you cry, you wait in suspense, you literally get all wrapped up emotionally in the drama! It's the best!

Alright, I went overboard.....the BEST would be to literally have this type of "out of this world!" experience in REAL life by making a connection with your one and only SOULMATE!

As for you and the guy that you are presently dating, I think that is so neat how you two keep coming back together over and over. Sounds to me like you may have found your soulmate and this is one man worth keeping! Time will tell......But in the meanwhile, have fun and enjoy yourself!
NerdyMommy,

I found some interesting information about soulmates on a website and it sounded EXACTLY like what you described about the guy who you are dating. Here is the information:

"A soul mate is a person with whom you feel a deep connection that may even defy logic. For example, a soul mate can be a close friend who lives a very different life than yours, yet you pick up the old thread instantly no matter how much time has passed since your last connection."
Oh, I'm not actually dating the guy that I was talking about right now... lol... dating someone else ;) But yes, Serendipity is one of my favorite movies - and that's truly what it's like with this person, minus the happy ending (so far at least!)

I thought alot about this last night, actually... and maybe it's my inability to perceive the concept of 'forever' that makes the whole soulmate thing difficult for me. For me, the definition of forever is "at least a couple weeks or months from now, or until something happens and things change". So to say that one person has one soulmate forever - that's just really hard for me to comprehend. I've certainly had soulmates at different points in my life... for different amounts of time. Some for days, some for months, some for years... and one, for most of my lifetime, though that person is not someone I am actually with - and haven't been with - for the majority of my life.

I still think that the idea that there is one person, one single person, in the whole entire world, who is meant to be your soulmate, while being incredibly romantic, is just not reality. Not to mention that it really limits you - how many wonderful partners do you turn away because you're looking for your 'soulmate'? Even worse, if you believe you've found your 'soulmate', and you lose him, what then? Do you just never look for love again? I think when you put your blinders on and only look for one thing, and one thing only, you miss out on alot of opportunities on the peripheral...
In all the information that I have read about soulmates, it does seem very likely that there can be numerous individuals who can come into your life at different times, to serve different purposes and be your soulmate. I do believe that as we grow, mature and change through time, so do our needs and desires change, which leads me to believe that at different points in our lives will specific people come into our lives.

Perhaps, some of the individuals that come into our lives will be our soulmates, while some may not? During our lifetime, there will be many individuals that will come into our lives temporarily, some for a longer length of time and others for an even longer amount of time, depending on their purpose for our life and our purpose for their life.

As far as a soulmate, I think that we should not focus on only seeking out this individual because ultimately there is a grander plan for us and we should take one day at a time with an open mind. Although, a relationship with our soulmate could be much more intense and dramatic, there still may be others who come into our life to leave a remarkable imprint onto our hearts that we may treasure for a lifetime.
I completely agree with this. I am hopelessly romantic and constantly lost in my intense feelings and emotions, but they change all the time and sometimes very quickly. After fifteen years of marriage and a divorce, I don't think I could ever do it again, the marriage thing that is. I do believe that there are people that are just connected to us at the soul level whether they float in and out of our lives or are a constant presence, their existence leaves an imprint on our heart and soul. To me, it is a mystical, spiritual thing, as I think the use of the word "soul" indicates.

The man I have recently been involved with is someone who I've known since childhood. We went from kindergarten through high school together and from the time I was very young, I thought he was absolutely perfect. When I started puberty, he was the first boy I ever had a crush on and it lasted for three years until I had a boyfriend. What I didn't know was that he'd had a crush on me all that time, too but was too shy say anything. Oddly, I felt the same about him. This perpetuated all the way through high school.
After that we went our separate ways, but whenever I would stumble across his name or someone would bring him up in conversation, my heart always skipped a beat. When he found me again recently, I lunged at the chance to be with him. We flung ourselves into a passionate, intense relationship which is rocky at best, painful and damaging at worst. I would never marry this man, but I do love him with all my heart. He is one of my soulmates without a doubt. But there are others.

Right now our off/on relationship is back off, probably for awhile since I said some impulsive, horrible things to him -- IMAGINE THAT!!! I have faith in him and in us. I think we will always be tied to one another in some way, whatever that is.

Sorry that didn't exactly answer the question. He and I just had a very dramatic last few days and I am typically hyperfocused on that and only that, almost allowing it to overshadow almost every part of my life. It's at that point where everything seems to point to him, I see what looks like his car on the highway, hear songs on the radio, hear his name everywhere. I wish I could find something else to think about, but I guess time will heal things.

Great question and great posts!!!
Eileen, how cool that you and this guy have known each other since kindergarten! Perhaps, having a history that goes back that far has probably heightened the intensity of emotions? Yes, I think that the words mystical and spiritual are good definitions of the word soulmate!

Some people can come in and out of our lives, but never leave a lasting impression. Yet, our soulmate, will always leave a lasting & dramatic imprint on our heart and soul. That is what sets a soulmate apart from all the rest. Once they come into our lives, a part of them will stay close to our heart & soul forever.
Nerdy Mommy, this is me....except I am not married to that person who comes in and out of my life. He was the one who got away - and only because we were both too afraid to say out loud how we really felt and it wasn't worth risking the deep friendship and connection of the other didn't feel that way..so we kept missing eat other in the night. Except every time we speak or reconnect (never anything ANYTHING physical since being married), but every time we speak the "shocking intensity" from our life of knowing each other comes back. I suspect he is not happy in his marriage, I am in mine, but talking to him is so intense it is almost painful. I was sitting here wondering the same thing - is it just me seeking intensity because I am ADD and my marriage is a lot of work right now or is that connection just so there and to see it missed time and time again just to hard to believe. Talking to him even feels almost like cheating on my husband because it is so intense.

Oh, I don't believe in soul mates or love at first sight or any of those things - because I think even if there is a deep connection, it is always work to be with someone for the long haul. I do however believe that some connections go deeper than others.
Hmmm.

I am not a romantic person (just ask my boyfriend), and I do not believe it soul mates at all. I will say this though...I am VERY passionate and emotionally intense.

Throughout my teens and twenties, sadly, I would say that my primary hobby was relationships. I always had some kind of wild dating adventure going on, and while parts of it were really fun, parts were also very sad, and overall, it was a great tactic for avoiding my own needs, avoiding dealing with my own issues, avoiding my own need to mature and grow as an individual. That part of my life sort of naturally, came to an end about five years ago when it just wasn't fun anymore...I started getting this sick feeling in my stomach when starting new affairs...that was my signal that it was time for something new in my life that didn't involve the stimulation seeking of wild relationships.

I also have wicked radar for "the wrong people". People who are also emotionally intense, but also psychologically high maintenance, and ultimately toxic for me. But doesn't it makes sense that an ADHDer, raised by likely undiagnosed ADHDers would choose the constant stimulation of unhealthy but very passionate relationships over the harder work of focus, and personal growth? Eh?

My willingness to let passion inhabit the driver's seat in my life allowed me to avoid myself for a long, long time. I truly think it's part of why I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD until later. The people that I was dating held my attention, and had so many more potent issues themselves that by comparison, I seemed downright "normal", lol, even though I was underachieving and totally aimless in life.

That said...there have been a small handful of people with whom I have had INTENSE connections with and truth be told, inexplicable psychic connections with. (Don't worry, my therapist and prescriber have both certified that I'm not having delusions, lol.) My first boyfriend...we went to high school together yet I had never spoken to him before, when one day in class, while we were taking a test...I don't know how to explain this, but sometimes I just "know" stuff about people? Anyway, something told me to look at him and right then he (who was sitting way at the other side of the room and far in front of me), sat up, turned 180 around, and looked at me like I had just yelled his name. That relationship was INTENSE and lasted for three years.

Another former "love" has got to be what people would call a twin soul or something. Other people would literally comment that we seemed like "twins" with very similar energy. And no, I don't believe in soul-mates, but I do believe that some people have very intense connections and this was one of them. We would literally read each others thoughts, dream what the other was doing in another location. Another thing I don't know how to explain but that we would answer each other without talking and communicate without even having to ask a question out loud. Super weird. Ultimately this person was probably someone that I was better off not having a lifelong relationship with, but wowza.

Sort of glad you brought this up, I might need to go blog about it...

Another friend of mine and sometimes "friends with benefits", yes, I just typed that out loud...he just seems to pop up in interesting places at interesting times. Who knows what that is about. All I know is that over 12 years, 3 states and 3,000 miles he has randomly and completely accidentally popped up for literally no seeming reason at interesting times in my life. And each time, either he has "saved" me from something or I have done the same for him. This first time that happened it was very literal, I was about to get dragged out of a crazy drunken college party by some very angry dudes who were very annoyed with me. He totally saved my butt. Since then, like I said...he just pops up, a benevolent figure. Once, like a freaking scene from a movie, I was walking through SF's financial district and he happened to walk right by the front of my office, that he didn't know I even worked at, and which was nowhere near his normal daily routine, just as I had been thinking about him for no particular reason, after not even talking to him for months and he walked up, saw me, grabbed me, and planted a huuuuuge smooch right on me, and said wow, I was just thinking about you. I am absolutely not joking!

Anyway...I DO think that emotional intensity seems to be a very ADHD trait, and for me, personally, relationships were a way that I sought constant stimulation for many years. I absolutely do not believe in soul mates, or anything remotely romantic :)
Miss K, I think the description of the man with benefits slightly fits the situation with the person I am now experiencing this deep connection with - have been for the last 20 years. We were best friends in high school but only because he never had the courage to ask me out and I didn't know. He was older so I just figured he found it fun hanging out...blah blah,,,over the years we have been together many times and every time I was sure it was the day we would finally talk about this connection and feeling - and the timing just never worked out. I do wonder if the intensity of the feeling kept us from pursuing something that would ultimately not work and then we would lose the friendship.

I don't know, I have always felt like the intensity of feeling as an ADDer was a gift. I really inhabit and live my lifee...but my husband now is calm and doesn't feed that intensity, and that is good and balancing, but I am missing that intensity...so what do you do? The intensity half of the time gets you burned....and is not healthy....
OH Miss K,
you just described my twenties!! I had to consciously STOP going for the HIGH stim guys. When I did, I found some inner peace...and met my soulmate. I knew from the first 30 minutes that he was for me and I wouldn't change a thing...even the zoo we've created!
Yes, but we've found each other at the wrong time. Why does that happen with soul mates? It's like you've known him from another place or time, but for some reason, you aren't supposed to be together in this lifetime, and it's a sudden and intense feeling, and you fall in love too fast.

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