Relationships, Social Interactions, and just doing the human thing

[Weslee]

OK, I dont know if anyone experiences this but it seems like almost everyone know has had at least one friend for life. I have never had a friend for life....I dont really seem to understand people and people dont understand me. Iam often labeled as anti-social (not the Iam gonna beat you up kind of anti-social). Is this an ADD thing too?

[Weslee]

Thanks that does make me feel better. I too agree its really hard to work on this whole being more social thing when you dont realize what your doing wrong sometimes.

[Weslee]

Thanks I hear you on that trusting everyone thing but as hard as those lessons were I am better and wiser for it.

[NerdyMommy]

Yeah, I don't have any lifelong friends either. Even with my family, it comes and goes. My SIL and I, for example - I would consider us to be very close - even though months can go by without us talking. Then for months we will talk every day - but the great thing is that after we have a 'hiatus', we pick up right where we left off, without skipping a beat.

I've always had a hard time maintaining friendships - it's really just another thing on my plate that I have to deal with - and, since most people annoy the heck out of me, it really doesn't bother me much. I do have great work friends, people that I laugh with, confide in, etc... maybe it's easier with them because the relationship already comes with the implied restriction of not extending past 5pm?

It's an ADD thing - one of the most common symptoms for adults - difficulty in maintaining close personal relationships... but like everything else, certainly something that can be improved, with work and focus....

[Weslee]

Wow I would say that sums of my personal relationships to a "T" even down to the sister in law thing. Well I guess after all these comments from everyone I shouldnt feel so down about not being able to maintain friendships etc...
Thanks!

[Sherrie]

Definately don't feel alone on this one. I think this is a very common among this community. Wouldn't it be a kick in the ass, if everyone, even the none ADDers felt the same and didn't feel like thay had life long friends?

I too haven't had lifelong friends. We pass in and out of peoples lives and if you don't have the focus to keep in touch with others, well the friendship never survives. Much like the plant in my office that I just remembered I forgot to water before I left for the 3 day weekend, it will not live without water, and relationships don't survive when they are not feed.

My problem I think is not just the lack of focus, but the exhaustion of just dealing with the people in your daily lives, that the thought of the extra effort to stay connected to old friends, makes me very tired. Then there's the anxiety of reaching out to old friends, will they forgive your inconsistency?, will they even care that you reached out?, will they tell you to "go to hell, you self-centered jerk!"?

And that doesn't even mention the anxiety of making new friendships...I sure doesn't seem like non-ADDers have trouble simply calling someone up and saying, hey let's....insert anything here...go shopping...go to movie...go to lunch...hang out...get sloppy drunk...

I absolutely was proud of myself just for sending a text message to a friend to see if she wanted to come over and have an all girls movie night. She of course wanted to and did. But in my twisted mind, I was sure before asking that she not want to and would think the idea was juvenile. Again, much like my anxiety attacks, there's no rational involved in our insecurities. 9 times out of 10, others see so much more in me than I see in myself.

Baby steps....

[Rochelle]

This very well could be the high rate of divorce or a number of partners among our group. We find it hard to focus time or energy into our daily lives...which leaves the other person dying inside...
hummmm

[tim ashmore]

thank you sherrie for describing the sentiments that have perplexed me all of my life. for non adders anxiety seems to more readily dissipate with time and familiarity. But until i started adderall again ,it seemed that my brain could not build on a certain comfort level in certain things. have you had the same experience.? tim

[jo elleman]

The only people who understand and also seem to need that "hiatus" tend to be my ADD friends. With my Adder friend, I almost feel that I finally can understand how awsome it is to have a buddy. But we both need extended downtime, and maybe that is why it isn't easy to maintain a normal friendship. Most non-Adders must feel miffed by my inclination to keep a low profile and retreat into self-healing or whatever I need to do alone, misunderstanding this as aloofness. I guess a normal friendship requires much more consistency than I can offer at this point in time. Yet my Adder buddy and I , as you said, can pick up where we left off months ago without skipping a beat, and with just the same amount of sincere supportive delight in each other. I don't think I can promise anyone steady consistency in a relationship right now.

[DANA]

Weslee, you are not alone. Even though I consider myself a "social butterfly" with an outgoing personality, I have never had a friend for life. The older I get, the more difficult it is for me to make lasting friendships. My one and only very close friend just moved out of state last year so now I feel so very isolated and I miss her so much. It is not easy making friends as an adult compared to when I was in elementary school or high school. I look back on many different times in my life when I did have a close friend, but usually the friendship gradually died, for one reason or another. Looking back, I know that there were times that I was so distracted in my life that I was not able to keep up with the friendship relationship and I sincerely feel bad about it. Yet, I do not purposely try to neglect the relationship, but I realize that people may misjudge me and not understand me. This topic of friendship has been a very challenging area in my life. I want so much to have a few close friends, something meaningful and lasting. This is an area that I am going to continue working on so I can be a better friend.

[Weslee]

Thanks so much that def. helps :)

[Rochelle]

I have 1 life long friend, that has always been there even when we both were asses. It is really difficult to keep friendships when we have a general mis-trust of others.
Through all of my counseling and learning about who I really am, I have discovered that being honest and forthcoming can cause some people to withdraw from friendship. This discourages me and makes me wonder if all of the learning about myself is in vain. Maybe I still draw to those who want to withdraw from friendships and do not understand that part of who I am and how much I want to give. UGH!!!!

[Weslee]

Oh yeah that bugs me too...You would think that everyone would want a honest and forthcoming friend....Maybe us "Adder's" are more evolved lol