Relationships, Social Interactions, and just doing the human thing

[Weslee]

OK, I dont know if anyone experiences this but it seems like almost everyone know has had at least one friend for life. I have never had a friend for life....I dont really seem to understand people and people dont understand me. Iam often labeled as anti-social (not the Iam gonna beat you up kind of anti-social). Is this an ADD thing too?

[lilly]

I have one friend who i have been friends with for 18 years. That is because she has been understanding and very patient. Two of her young children have ADD/HD as well. other than that i have aqaintences but i kinda keep a distance.

[Weslee]

Thats great I am so happy that you have been able to maintain a life long friendship :)

[Christine Mousseau]

Weslee, I think that this is a ADHD thing. My husband was taking a course on Anti-social personity and he came home one night and said to me "Honey do you know how close you are to having a anti-social personity?"
So I think that it is just because people with ADHD have such a hard time with all the non-vebal laugauge in our world that we tend to become loners. My best friend is my mom, my husband and my daughter.
Sorry for the bad spelling. I cannot spell at all.

[Weslee]

thats ok on the spelling thanks for the post!

[Devin Mackey]

Im late again, but I want to talk. I read in some ADHD book years ago that when we as kids are going through that picking up on verbal and nonverbal cues, ya know kinda subconsciously learning how to be in social settings, playground, class, etc. that we as ADDers skipped that period so to speak. I know this may not sound valid since I can't recall what year, what book, who wrote it or anything. Maybe someone has heard or read this. It makes sense to me that our hyperness or withdrawness, I just made that word up, would cause us to miss it. Just a thought

[DANA]

I heard about the same thing, too, Devin, but I do not recall what book it was. It all boils down to ADDers not learning all important aspects of social interactions. From what I have read and understood about ADDers, it appears that there are two types, which are the quiet dreamers and the chatty talkative type. The quiet dreamers are more shy, introverts, who usually have a difficult time in social situations, especially ones in which they are meeting new people or are in large groups. The quiet dreamers seem to feel awkward, uncomfortable and nervous in social situations.

However, the chatty talkative type of ADDers are usually better equipped in the social situations because they are extroverts and are more personable. Usually, the challenges that the talkative type encounter are when they put their foot in their mouth by saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, they interrupt continually, which annoys others, they don't know when to pause to allow others to speak, they may talk too quickly & fast as well as they may not take specific cues by watching body language to understand how others are perceiving them. Typically, the talkative type are not the best listeners, which could cause others to become irritated.

There are pro's and con's about both the introvert and the extrovert, but both would benefit by learning more acceptable social skills for maintaining successful professional and personal relationships.

[Lisa Forman]

I'm both these types and really need to learn these skill at 45, cause I am my myself and have always been.

[sherry mulberry]

Oh boy that so sounds like me the chatty one . I definetly put my foot in my mouth alot of the times. And I love to hang up on people does anyone else do that . The more nervous I am the more I talk and who knows what I will say sometimes. Some people that are so quiet don't get are type very good , that is my perspective.

[Lisa Forman]

The book may be:

What does everybody else know that I don't: Novotni

[Sarah Simmons]

I have had a few friends for life, but I am not close with them as far as talking with them a lot. I really don't talk with them except this one friend who is supposedly my best friend, I'm not really a good friend to her because I never initiate phone conversations or e-mails even though she is in Iraq right now. I just got together with one of them though because she was down in Orlando. But I do understand the whole meetng friends thing. I have been living down here in Orlando for 2 years now, and I have only made one friend that I hang out with outside of work, but I can't even hang out with her anymore as I am an alcoholic, all she wants to do is go to dance clubs and can't do that without getting wasted. I am scared to become close with anybody because I have ADD and Bipolar. I am afraid that when they truly get to know everything about me, that they will abandon me and get hurt because they won't understand if I get manic or have to have them repeat things that they just said that I can't remember. So many people take offense to that, but I can't help it even though I am on Vyvanse. Anyways, the point is that I don't have any friends that I am close to because I am afraid to get hurt yet again. All of my friends from college and some of my friends from high school have abandoned me because I am too much to handle. I hope that helps, if not I am sorry!

[Ben]

Yeah, like with me, it might sound horrible but I actually kind of get tired of people, I run out of things to talk about with them. Then there's the issue where I notice new cool people all the time. It's been both a blessing and a curse here on my vacation in Prague, because I meet cool people but I can't figure out which ones to stick with.

[Lisa Forman]

Yep, this is how I've felt all my life. People don't seem to want to be around me for very long (hrs) either cause I am generally grumpy or unpredictable. I'm lucky if I have one people that wants to hang out for a little while. it's hard in a group cause I don't usually follow conversations, get frustrated and people don't think I care, yes stuck up or aloof... all those things.

The hardest thing to change is seeing myself different from the identity/story I've run all my life. What would I talk about or share. I tend to related everything back to myself, cause I really don't know who or what I would be without my story. It is so scary. I have nothing really to say.

It I went lost of left for a while, I don't really thing it would be noticed. This is very sad.

The most painful thing is that I don't have a relationship with my family and they are also very ill. So I really don't have community, but am trying to visualize myself there one day. I'm so used to separating myself that it is now really scary cause I am getting older and don't want to be alone for my whole life.