Self-Esteem

[Misty]

Hi!!!!

Does anyone else have problems with self-esteem?   No matter what I do, I still feel like I am not good enough.  Its to the point of self-hatred.  Its sad to say that I hate myself, but its true.  If I do not do something about my self-esteem, I am going to ruin my relationship with a wonderful woman and ruin my future chances for happiness. Does anyone have any tips to build self-esteem?  

[Dave Davis]

I bet that all of us with ADD/ADHD struggle with self-esteem issues. After all, most of us have been out of step with the world, and been told we are underachievers, at best, and failures at worst. I have been successful in business, but always question myself in the back of my mind. Having said that, there are resources that may help. David D. Burns, M.D., wrote a workbook, "10 Days to Self-Esteem", and a more comprehensive volume called, "Feeling Good." Esentially, both deal with depression through cognitive psychology, which many psychologists use with us ADDers. Some of the best tools I got was in his list of dysfunctional thinking, and how to counter that thinking. If you get it at the library or a book store, I would be interested in what you think of it.
Good wishes!

[Misty]

Thank you so much.  I appreciate your feedback.  I will look into reading the books you mentioned.  I think I will make a trip to the library.  Thanks again.

[abhishek malyala]

hi ma'am,
self esteem issues are pretty common with everyone. but they have a far greater impact in our lives. I used to feel the same way you do now, a few years back... but i guess time is the best healer :)
just wanted to share that my confidence comes from practice of Raja yoga- or meditation.. I try to conciously throw out negative thoughts and imbibe positive ones...
I write down all my positive traits and read them atleast once.
love,
Abhishek

[Misty]

Abhishek

 

Thanks for the suggestions.  I especially love the idea of writing down my positive traits and reading them often.  That would help me a great deal.  I am going implement that idea.

 

Thanks

Best wishes,

 

Misty

[Sharon Smith]

I completely understand how you are feeling as I have felt like I hated myself most of my life.  I finally had to let go of my self hatred and accept myself for who I am.  ADHD is the main culprit to my self hatred causing me to feel so inadequate and different from other people.  I simply don't care what people think of me anymore.  I don't know if this will help you. 

No matter what I do I also don't feel good enough.  A great example of this is I am a college student working a full time job at 51 years old.  I maintain an excellent grade point average and my family praises me for that but I don't feel I deserve the praise.  I want no recognition for my achievements.  I am baffled by my feelings on this subject and can only conclude I must feel I don't deserve it.

[Lilia Lilac]

I think I can emphathise with the not wanting praise for your achievments.. It's as if you don't want the attention for something which to you is almost no big deal (becasue u knew you could do it), but to them it is a big deal becasue (a part of you suspects) they doubted you in the first place. You possibly feel its a big deal to them, and your angry, because the world doesnt realise how amazing you are.. Sure its common to have had comments of "great potential" or "you COULD go far" from the evidence of your 'good' days but, there's always a BUT. Consistency... Splashes of greatness cushioned by self-hatred from the feelings of doubt that others have left in your mind about your incapabilities.

I know I have felt instantly angry and annoyed over fuss made about things I have done well, this frustration I think is from thinking that, actually, all I want is a nod in recognition of my journey.

Like it's annoying that their joy over my minor success comes from realising that their normal view of me must be so low, that their sick of having me feel like a failure. It's a selfish joy i think. I end up thinking, couldn't you have just been there with me, relating to me, through the struggle. The struggle that originates from the effect of other peopeles disatisfaction.

If I had had that kind of support then I could have achieved so much more, then knowing that sometimes with ADHD you really are just on your own, and you know, this success your having, well it's only the begininng. 

I don't know if any of that makes sense, but maybe there is somethign in there that you can relate to?

claire

[Candy Geiger]

I feel exactly the same way. As a matter of fact, am going through this very thing right now. Just know that you are not alone. If so many others have gotten through these times, so shall we. I too will look into the bokks that were suggested.

We should be thankful that we have this site and others to chat with that can understand what we're going through. God bless.

[Veja Bozich]

From time to time i had a lot of problems with self-esteem..Especially since i didn't know about ADHD.. l am speaking about hundreds and hundreds failures..Small and big ones.. And in situation like that, when everyone is passing by you and  you stays always on same place it's very probably that you develop low self esteem. But there something that always build me up.. It's optimism and positive attitude.. No matter how hard l hit ground I always believe that "Next time l do better, l 'll be better".. And l do..Every time l am closer..I try and fail..and then again try and fail...and then again try and fail..But the tenth time l will managed..I never give up..And i always try again..And I always start from beginning.. And i focus on great things about me.. How good, funny and creative I am.. I fall in love with myself ;)..Not on the egoistic way..But on the "i wanna love and make happy myself way"..And when i love myself more i will love people in my life even more  .. And at the end of day or a week or a year I don't care how many times l failed.. I just remember that one time when i managed.. 

[Connie]

I've spent my entire life having a low self-esteem and it wasn't until I started taking medication that I've began to feel better about myself. 

[Bill Graham]

Heck yes!  I have been drifing toward a cliff with my life, with my familie's lives both financially and relationship-wise for years, and as the edge has come clearly into view I finally reached out and got some support.  With the help of a second cousin (with whom I don't have any substantial past or family history) I realized that the feeling of Toxic Shame is the filter with which I have been perceiving and interacting with the world.  

Guilt is the sense that we did something bad, Shame is the feeling that we ARE bad.  And this leads naturally to crappy self-esteem.  I bet others feel better about you than you yourself do!

John Bradshaw has several books, lectures that were on PBS, etc.  I'd suggest checking out "Healing the Shame that Binds You" and his Homecoming series.

I've also started doing some EFT tapping with Youtube clips.  Check out Brad Yates EFT.  So many good vids.

Good luck!