The Saga of Unfinished Projects.....

[Dana Arcuri]

As an ADDer, have you spent a lifetime trying to complete projects, yet, for one reason or another, you get sidetracked along the way?  In the beginning, when you have a brilliant idea for a new project, do you feel excited, motivated & ready to shoot for the stars?  After a few short weeks, while you are plugging away with your new project, do you continually encounter NON-STOP INTERRUPTIONS? 

It's like you no sooner begin your amazing new project and you're totally wrapped up in it when a million different distractions start coming in every direction to unexpectedly knock you right off your feet!  Then the phone starts ringing, the dog keeps barking, the kids are loudly fighting, dinner is burning, the dirty laundry is piling up, your partner is complaining, you have a dozen errands to run, your boss is breathing fire down your neck and suddenly....BAM!  The novelty and interest has VANISHED!!!

If this frantic and frustrating scenario sounds all too familiar, take a moment to consider this:  If all of the distractions & challenges were resolved with successful ADDer strategies & helpful assistance,which ONE project would you choose to complete? 

 

 

 

 

[Rick Harris]

I don't care which one. I just want to finish something!  :-)

[Dana Arcuri]

I hear you, Rick!  What is your biggest concern about completing projects?

[Rick Harris]

I have 30+ years of unfinished projects, personal and professional, stacked up in my garage and in my office, and around the home, and even at other people's houses...my biggest concern? All of it!? Our family (all four ADHD) has a new rallying cry: "no new commitments or projects until these three are done!"

We'll see how it goes. If history proves a teacher we'll probably forget the rallying cry within the next couple of weeks sometime, and remember it when buried in a whole new set of once shiny, now boring projects and commitments... "Hey, weren't we gonna not commit...?"  hmmm....  :-/

[Christine]

Lots of unfinished projects around here too.

Lots of things scattered around the home and other people's houses and even a friend's industrial storage shed (100' x 50 ', no kidding).

But it's getting better. 

I've been with a psychiatrist for 3 1/2 years now, and diagnosis.  He was having trouble finishing my medico-legal claim for mis-diagnosis with life-threatening results.  But for the last 12 weeks, we worked on health care complaints. And finished! I'm up to my 4th lawyer.  The other guys couldn't get their heads around what happened, let alone finish.  This lawyer filed on the day I met her.  All the 'unfinished business', 10 years of journals and evidence I didn't know how to process is now in the hands of someone who can help me finish the case.  Waiting for the world expert on this problem to come back to Australia next week, and I hope her report will finish off the defendants.

On a less dramatic level, and not finding psychologists, counsellors coaches or support groups helpful, in fact the opposite - a breakthrough!  A uni, walking distance from where I live has an ADHD clinic.  I've got one-to-one with an intern.  She is helping make an inventory of my life, unfinished projects and and and - I got overwhelmed, but her task is to help me finish stuff.  Not go over post-traumatic stuff, clinical stuff or relationship problems.  

We went off task. I was really disheartened.

It took me getting coaching from my psychiatrist, and an emeritus professor of psychology for me to learn how to clearly negotiate the treatment 'contract'.  I need help finishing projects.  Can you help make a behavioural analysis?  Early days yet, but the financial aspects of my projects are being monitored, and my next-door neighbour offered to help manage money.  

My psychiatrist said ADHD people need roadies, personal trainers, minders, coaches, mentors, clerks - a team effort to make sure the details are attended and projects get finished so we can get on with the job of creating new projects.

 

[Ken May]

Dana and Rick, this is me completely.  Storage facilities, friend's projects, work, chores, and feel good stuff too. I feel that I have alienated so many people because of this.  This is me in a complete nutshell.  Forever I thought it was just me until I discovered this site.  It has truly been a godsend in terms of self help, but I feel that I may need to go the "coach" route.

Thanks for the post.

[Margaret]

Ohhh, that so describes me - even better then I have been able to describe it.

I have a knitting stash that you wouldn't believe. It drives my husband crazy that I haven't finished my knitting projects. However, if a great deal of the fun is in the starting, who does it really hurt? That's my question!!

[Christine]

Hey Margaret

 

Nothing wrong with starting projects - I know and lurve the adrenaline whoosh.

 

Nothing wrong with a wool stash either. Knitting, made or unmade:  wool, colours, baskets, pattern books, cosy, warm - all love and heaven.

 

It's the knitting needles that could really hurt. If they take on a life of their own and start up a stick injury pay back for not being loved or used enough to reach their full potential, there could be trouble. And by the sound of your stash, it could be weapons of MASS destruction.

 

Assign the job of knitting storage style meister to your husband - let him feel the pain of how hard it is to organise with STUFF.

 

Just to show I'm firmly in the ADDer club, here's some distracting info:  I'm reading Mrs Simpson - the American woman who captured King Edward with her chinese sexual techniques (!!) without which he was impotent.  He abdicated the throne just before WWII last century.  Second irrelevant point from the book:  King Edward was taught crocheting, and would knit when not socialising or worse, sucking up to Nazis.  In one of the chapters of the book, the author said King E was knitting Wallis a blue jumper.

More irrelevant stuff.  And when I was at school, we learnt that the Australian economy 'rode on the sheep's back' with our merino sheep. Again, very last century. Apparently our wool was so good, all army uniforms for both world wars used it. I don't claim it's better to supply wool than arms for wars, so I better scratch my comment that wool is harmless.  Now we just have landlords who exploit foreign students, and jail tortured refugees for trying to exercise human rights like seeking asylum.

 

Last point, not! it's so hard for me to stop talking...

 

It might have been your stash Margaret that made a contribution to our economy, and superior medical benefit scheme in Australia.  Not that I'm nationalistic, or saying anything bad about American health care costs or that Wallis Simpson was American.  In fact, I'm angry with our government and it's mandatory immigration detention laws, or  the environment. Don't get me started on what's happening to The Hunter Valley and coal - pastoral land that used to run sheep. I'll just start on it myself.  Apparently farming is also so last century, we're just digging up most of Australia and exporting the coal to China.  More bad news is that we have untold uranium in Central Australia.  So far, indigenous tribal wisdom gained some land rights regarding sacred sites to stop wholesale mining of uranium. The Aboriginals have a word, I can't remember, for not touching uranium. But there's trouble ahead.  The jug-ear-ed leader of the opposition, is pro-uranium. The big nosed prime minister isn't holding popularity.  Jug Ears might get in power.  Just to show how stupid Australian politicians can be, we even have a joker in parliament who's whole purpose in life is to lobby against ADHD.  Can you believe it? The ANTI-ADHD bill.  He's blocked legislation which was based on expert opinion and brilliant reports, worked on for 2 years by Aussie researchers.  I want you to know there are some smart Australians, not just kangaroo heads.  Would anyone withhold medication for asthmatic or epileptic or diabetic children???  Mr. Kangaroo Head wants to stop access to Ritalin to Australian children.  If I could organise myself, I'd run for parliament as a pro-ADHD lobbyist.

promise, that's all from me now.

christine

[Drew]

For me it would be my Masters! Got to the thesis portion but twice I could not focus, organize or reduce my anxiety and the depression just spiralled me down into the abyss. Never to return. And I get reminded of my failure every month now for 20 yrs while I pay off the 38K student loan. Life just keeps gettin better each day!

Drew

[Christine]

Hi Drew

Through this site, I've supported an Adder who has been taking 10 years to complete PhD, and another writer who had writer's block.

 

It was a reciprocal, accountable project.

 

We set up 'boot camp', and some cook-book stuff to get going.  

 

The deal was they help keep me accountable for something serious, ahem, not suiciding. My ADHD hasn't prevented me from getting degrees, but has cause other failures. I was a university course coordinator and programme assessor before getting a psychiatric 'injury' from misdiagnosis and being exploited in 'therapy'.  I was so speedy and competent, I could organise other people's lives, and the 'psychologists' used me to organise their lives.  I didn't know about boundary violations then. 

 

The writer got unblocked, and a job, the PhD is underway and she's starting to have some fun in her life again, and I'm still here.

 

A bossy friend got a solo exhibition booked for me January (I'm a visual artist) - and I've got a medico-legal case to survive.  This requires organisation and support.  I can do it for others, but neet others to remind me to do it for myself.

 

And I'd like to develop a working model or helping myself and ADHD people get self-managing systems. Different from apps, but probably computer based.  Dunno yet. An intern at the ADHD clinic at the uni is helping me.  And get how lucky I am - $15 per hour! Better than a coach. She's being supervised by a renowned clinical expert in ADHD.

 

If you would like, I would like to offer to see if maybe we can make a plan to use email for focus and organisation.

 

Or you can just bitch about the 38K.  I can't believe the cost of health and education in America.  

 

regards

Christine

[Drew]

I appreciate the offer but its too late now. I have no money left to spend and no longer qualify for aid due to our wonderful President screwing over the educational financing system so no money is left for anyone now. Bitching is all I have left now. Just anither ppe dream like everything else in my life. No happy ever afters for me. Just try and get through each day and end the month on the positive side in my bank account. Thanks for caring enough to offer though. But that opportunity no longer exists and another isn't coming soon enough for this 52 year OLD man. I guess I wish I coud just fastforward to the end and get all of this pain, shame and worthlessness be done. Oh well.

Drew

[Christine]

 

Hey hey hey, steady old man - who are you calling old?  I'm 51.

Your Message Received. Understood? You're on day-to-day survival?

You haven't been able to complete, what field did you want to specialise in?

Bitching is good.  I'd love a bitch buddy.  More fun than a study buddy.  See my whinging in yesterday's posts! We might come up with something completely new, or at least a way to distract ourselves from the boring stuff.

If I go off line for a while, I've got some boring things that HAVE to be finished.

Christine

 

 

[Drew]

It was a specialty in Military History. I was writing about the Houston Police Dept and the US Army mutiny by the Buffalo Soldiers in 1917. I was attempting to make myself relavent to my wife who was on their current command staff and my grown daughter who is now a rookie w/ 5 yrs on married to another officer. My ADHD was undiagnosed until after the divorce 2 yrs ago. I thought I could perhaps work at the PD's new fledgling museum and increase the connection between myself and the wife. All the while doing something that I would enjoy. So much for that attempt. I guess I understood on some level that we were not connected as man and wife anymore but I didn't know why or how to fix it. Therapy was a joke and all her comments to me just fueled my further withdrawal from intimacy at all levels. To her sex was how you showed someone you love them. To me sex was just a physical act pretty much void of any meaning other than it was what "men" are supposed to be ready for at all times and anyplace and under all circumstances. I was and still am terrified of intimate physical contact. It doesn't mean "connectedness" to me. Holding hands, spending time doing things together, travelling, making memories are how I stay connected. Well I am taking this blog question in an unintended direction. Sorry. If you like we can continue via our Adderworld email. Let me know. As always, my warmest and best thoughts to you and all here on this site.
Drew