I hate going to the mental health center and having them ask me if I feel better. What does better mean anyway? Before now, I had never taken psychoactive drugs, so my only point of reference is my own experience. And before now, for most of my life I would have insisted that I felt fine, because even though I didn't, how I felt was all I knew. It took me these 33 years to get to a point where I finally went "oh, being fidgety, intense, reactive, impulsive, anxious and compelled all the time isn't how life is supposed to be". And I'm pretty sure that both of my parents have ADHD also so I didn't stand out as abnormal in my home.
So even though I feel different, and many of those changes are positive, I think I'm gonna pop if someone asks me one more time how I feel, or if I feel "better". I don't even know what "better" or "normal" is supposed to feel like! If I freaking did, I wouldn't be at a mental health center asking for help!
I'm taking Strattera and my understand is that it's a more lightweight ADHD drug. I'm taking it because I have a tendency towards being anxious so they figured they try me on the first instead of stimulants (I have panic attacks even from coffee, just for reference).
Overall, it seems like Strattera, for me "takes the edge off" of most of the things that bother me. I feel softer around the edges. Less reactive, less compelled, the thoughts in my head "poof" into my head instead of exploding, and I'm more calm. Downside is that I'm calm enough that even though I feel more able to focus on one thing at a time, I seriously feel like I am having a harder time getting things done. Maybe it's a matter of perception: I'm used to doing so many things at a time that I think I'm less productive even though I'm really just operating more realistically now. And it's true that now that I'm seeing life more realistically, I do look around at my life and go "oh my god, who made this life, it's way too busy", which I know is true. Working on THAT stuff with my awesome therapist...
But I don't like the ridigity of my focus now. Is that problem with all ADHD drugs? I do have to still work a little to focus with the Strattera, but man, once I'm focused, don't f*** with me. I used to just happily welcome any distraction (and get nothing done). Now, a distraction comes along (could just be someone trying to tell me something) and if I'm really hell bent on something I know I have to do, I start to freak out a little because I ust can't handle/tolerate that distraction. My relationship with distractions was negative before, but pleasant. Now it's just cranky, lol...honestly, I think it's more "normal"...but geez, if that's normal, then maybe ADHD wasn't that bad, LOL!
So I guess my point is that...going through this process and having people ask you if you feel better, or feel okay is frustrating, because I have no idea what that means...I don't know what I'm supposed to feel like, and...I'm willing to bet money that the trick here is that there's no firm answer to that question.
But I would like to hear others' thoughts on this...or any experiences others have had with Strattera...and if the focus that people experience with other ADHD drugs is similar, or different from what I'm describing.
Thanks much...it's a relief to have a forum where you can ask other people about these things. My partner is not an ADHD-er so while he is awesomely supportive, he doesn't always know what I'm talking about...