WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU WOULD CHANGE ABOUT ADHD?

[Dana Arcuri]

After being diagnosed with ADD/ADHD as a child, teenager or as an adult, you have most likely discovered all the pro's and con's. Yes, ADD/ADHD may very well be a gift when life is extremely rewarding and going your way, but it may also appear as a curse when things are chaotic, overwhelming and spinning out of control.

After considering all of your ADDer ups & downs, all of the fabulous, positive, negative and pure hell of living with ADD/ADHD, if you could actually change ONE thing about it, such as forgetfulness, easily distracted, loses things, constantly running late, job hopping, emotionally intense, socially challenged or unorganized, what would it be and why?

[Dana Arcuri]

There is no doubt about it, I would change the way people respond to us! Of course, that is not exactly changing something about ADHD, yet, it is my #1 pet peeve! I would love to see professionals as well as lay people to educate themselves about ADHD so they are more informed.

[jo elleman]

illiminating the insecurity. I wish I could stop trying so hard to be "normal" because it uses up my energy which could be put to such better use. That is why these two sites are so awsome. Once I unload to someone who gets it, I can let go of little pieces of that horrible weight of self-loathing that has hindered me from enjoying life.

[Dana Arcuri]

I understand what you mean, Jo Elleman. I want to "fit in" and not appear outrageously different. But when it really comes down to having peace of mind, liking myself for who I am and accepting all the good with all the bad ADDer symptoms, I sincerely believe that I must be myself.

What disturbs me are the times when NON-ADDer individuals tell me that they accept my ADHD, yet, they verbally complain about all the little ADDer moments, such as when I forget something, when I am running late, when I have "rebound" from Adderall and suddenly feel irritable or when I get easily distracted. How come people can not realize that this is "normal" for an ADDer to experience ongoing challenges? Do they think that I can literally CONTROL or STOP ADHD symptoms? I just do not get it..........

[Cathie]

I guess I can see how both those things can still be true. Folks can accept my ADD....but still be ticked when I'm late. It's not really fair for me to say that they don't get to be ticked when my actions impact their life. If I was late because I was in a wheelchair and it took me longer to get somewhere, I'd say the same thing.

Heck, I accept my ADHD and still get ticked at myself when I'm late, or forget something....again. (these things primarily happen when my structures break down....so, I then work to figure out what happened and how I can work to make sure it doesn't happen again).

Acceptance doesn't mean that all my behavior will be acceptable, just that they understand why.

[Christine]

I think there is sooo much about ADHD to understand. It can look so different from person to person, that makes it difficult to grasp. Society looks for a hyperactive child who cannot focus on a task to say ADHD. They don't see the quiet people who have difficult trying to motivate themselves and the ones that try so hard they want to burst! I was SHOCKED to find out I had it, personally. I had to really educate myself about the disorder in order to understand it.
If I could change anything, it would be the SCT....the motivation factor. I would LOVE to be able to sit down with my kids and play with them for more than 3 minutes. I think they'd love that , as well.

[Dana Arcuri]

Christine, you are right about society misunderstanding that NOT all ADDers behave or struggle the same. Before my kids or I were diagnosed, I had misunderstood ADHD and I had thought that it was only hyperactive kids who were diagnosed with ADHD.

Once my son was diagnosed with ADHD, I began to gain more insight into the different types of ADDers. This is when I began to suspect that I had ADHD. Eventually, I was diagnosed with ADHD, then my youngest child was diagnosed with ADHD & then my middle child was diagnosed with inattentive ADD.

There is no doubt that each one of us struggle in different ways, but we all experience inattention, distractions and challenges with organization. My daughter who was diagnosed with inattentive ADD does experience difficulty with motivation, socialization, completing projects on time and learning to step out of her "comfort zone."

I understand inattentive ADD much better now that my daughter has been diagnosed and I do attempt to help her work through her difficulties. What is hard for me as a parent is when I try to encourage my daughter and try to help her to get motivated, but she refuses to be open to new idea's or changes.

[NerdyMommy]

I'd have to agree and say that, rather than changing anything about ADHD - because it all makes me who I am - I would also change the perception of the public about ADHD. I wish that people could truly understand ADHD, what it feels like to have my brain. I'd love for someone to create a "virtual ADHD" helmet for people to wear - one that would let everyone feel what it's like to have so much noise in your head all the time that you can't think straight! Maybe people would be more accepting and understanding....

But the ADHD itself? I wouldn't change anything about it. I've accepted the bad with the good... and I'm ok with it all. After all... it makes for some really funny stories!!!

[Dana Arcuri]

Cathie, if I had a physical disability or if I was in a wheel chair, I would not be as hard on myself for being late or for not completing a job on time. Our society view physical disabilities totally different than how they view mental health. Maybe not everyone in our society shares the exact opinion or the exact viewpoint, but the bottom line is that individuals who have a recognizable physical disability usually receive more compassion, tolerance, acceptance and legal protection than individuals who have ADHD or a mental health condition.

The number one reason most individuals diagnosed with ADD/ADHD or a mental health condition DO NOT share this personal information with employers is to prevent discrimination, negative reactions and possible termination. Yet, if we were diagnosed with a physical disability, would we purposefully not share this condition with our employer? Most of all, if we did have a physical disability, would our employer and human resource department go out of their way to accommodate our special needs to prevent us from taking legal action?

In my opinion, there is definitely a DOUBLE STANDARD regarding physical disabilities versus mental health disabilities. I do not believe that it is right, but I think it is an "unwritten" rule.

NerdyMommy, I would LOVE to borrow your "virtual ADHD helmet" because it would be hysterical and very educational to observe how NON-ADDer's behave or react once they are experiencing ADDer symptoms. My first choice to wear the virtual helmet is my own psychiatrist. Maybe for the first time she will actually open up her eyes to see what it feels like to be in my shoes and she would change her idea's about what an ADDer needs?

[Cathie]

Dana, I don't dispute anything you're saying as far as how the workplace looks at ADHD (although legally, we do have the same protections).

I don't know that I would easier on myself if I had a physical disability vs. ADHD The way I look at it is that I have stuff that I need to work on pretty regularly.....just like the rest of the planet :-) Most of my stuff just happens to fall under this umbrella called ADHD. If I had a physcial disability instead....I suppose the stuff I had to manage would be in different areas.

I have tools in my toolbox to deal with this stuff, one of those tools are medication....but others are things like my computer (my life is in Outlook) and it's alarms to remind me where I'm supposed to be heading, my PDA for a portable version of Outlook and the alarms which tell me when I'm supposed to be heading to the next thing. And other tools/structures that help me accomplish what I need to accomplish.

My point is, that even though I have ADHD....it's still my responsibility to not impact those around me. Folks have to still be able to count on me for me to be effective in my profession. Because of the ADHD....I need a lot of tools/structures to accomplish this (this took me a long time to learn.....my former strategy of accomplishing things through sheer force of will and stubbornness wan't terribly effective or conducive to a balanced lifestyle )....and sometimes, these tools/structures fail me, which usually means, I'm late (or forgot to bring what I needed, or am not dressed in the right version of our dress code, or whatever my ADHD brain didn't absorb). Any of these things, such as being late can really throw a wrench in things for folks around me, and if they are waiting on me, I think they have the right to be ticked at me. My ADHD is for me to manage.....not them.

Someone with a physical disability would have accomadations (ramps for a person in a wheel chair, reading and dictating capabilities on their PC for someone who can't see, etc) but the point of those accommodations is so they can perform their job responsibilities. I look at my tools/structures in the same way.

[Dana Arcuri]

Cathie, I apologize if my comment up above appeared too harsh. I agree that whether an individual is diagnosed with a physical or a mental condition, they should do their best to become as independent as possible.

Depending on the severity of the disability, would determine the degree of responsibility that each individual could take , but it would also determine the degree of assistance, which may logically be needed. What is the most inspiring is when I see individuals who do have a physical disability, perhaps they are not able to walk, yet, they actively pursue marathon races or athletic competitions. Very courageous!

It sounds like you have a helpful toolbox filled with beneficial strategies to keep you right on task. Do you set the alarm to alert you at a specific time? I do not have an alarm, but I do have a time clock, which I use daily to keep me on task. It really does help remind me to keep moving and to stay focused on what needs to be accomplished.

Up above you wrote, "My ADHD is for me to manage.....not them." I do understand what you are saying and I agree that ADDer's need to learn how to manage their lives better and not expect others to get stuck rescuing them or doing all of their work for them. However, the home life and work life are two separate issues.

For instance, when I am at work, I do not expect anyone to come to my rescue to help me with my responsibilities. I take complete responsibility for my duties and it is up to me to stay on task to complete my work.

Although, I think that everyone in the company should work as a "team" to make it a priority for everyone to work together to achieve the companies goals. Whenever there is teamwork on the job, it benefits everyone. It does not mean that individuals could "slack off" or expect others to do their work, but it does mean that everyone works as a team to pitch in and help one another as needed.

In a home environment, responsibilities and job descriptions are not always explained detail by detail for everyone to understand. As individuals in the family become mature and capable to independently complete household chores, they should take on the necessary responsibilities to pitch in.

The home environment is not set up like a business or workplace. At home, individuals usually behave differently than how they behave at work. The more individuals who live under one roof, the more chaos occurring in the home. For example, my home life is completely different now that I have three ADDer kids compared to when I was first married to my husband in which we had no children.

At home, I am distracted and interrupted much more than I would be at a workplace. In the home, I am comfortable and not always on my "best" behavior, whereas at work, I am behaving in a professional manner.

As far as physical disabilities, the average human being has no idea how they would react, behave or manage a physical disability because they have never experienced this. Until someone is physically disabled, how could we anticipate the challenges, struggles and daily demands that we would have to confront? Depending on the severity of an individuals physical or mental disability, would determine the amount of responsibility expected of an individual at home and work.

Up above, you stated, "Even though I have ADHD....it's still my responsibility to not impact those around me." I do not agree with this statement. Whether an employee has a heart condition, is diabetic, has bipolar disorder, has clinical depression, has PMS, has a herniated disc, has a hypothyroidism or has ADHD, there is the possibility that eventually any of these physical or mental conditions may have an impact on those around them in the workplace and at home.

Logically, physical and mental health does influence our ability to perform successfully at work and at home. Perhaps, any of the above conditions could be a temporary obstacle professionally or personally? However, it does not automatically determine whether someone is responsible or is not.

There are too many variables that come into play at home and at work, which changes the situation or circumstance for each individual, regardless of the condition being chronic or temporary.

[Lonnie Williams]

Cathie,I agree with your comments. Taking responsibility has always been hard for me . It was easier to put it on someone else. This made me feel like I was perfect.

[Melissa Raines]

I don't really think I would change anything about my ADD , however my husband on the other hand , his ADHD especially his problem with time , procrastination , problems staying on task as well as issue with getting distracted easly ( well i could do without that one ) as well as his problem of being on time to anything drives me nuts!!