ANGER IS DEPRESSION INSIDE OUT

[DANA]

Today, my counselor told me that anger is depression inside out. She said that many individuals do not resolve their anger issues from the past and it will resurface as depression in the future. My counselor thinks that anger is one of my challenges in life and that I need ot deal with it by taking a better look at who or what has angered me.

Interestingly enough, my counselor has given me a homework assignment in which I am suppose to write a list of everything and anyone that has caused me anger. (Gee, I may end of writing a book after all, but I never expected it to be about anger!)

This week, I am suppose to start compiling my list of anger and it has me wondering if I have buried anger issues from long ago? Has anyone else had to deal with unresolved anger issues? Did you ever put together a list of why your are angry or who you are angry at?

I am not very thrilled with having to write this out because I think that if I get onto a roll, I may never stop! How far in the past does one need to dig to come up with a list of anger? Will writing about anger actually promote more anger or will it be helpful?

Lastly, how come anger has a way of sticking it's ugly head in my face right when I thought that I have overcome it?

[Mssphoto]

Great post...I find myself more angry everyday. Which has made me very depressed. I have mad it through the tougehest two years of my life and have no anger over that.

I have come so far in two years and feel good about myself, but, I am so angry at people I have known the longest. They do not seem to understand that I feel like I have grown and they have just sat there. Anytime I bring an issue up about it,,,,,I hear did you take your pills? when do you see your conselor again?

That is one reason I have worked with a counselor for so long...now I realize when I work out of the counselors office I am deperresed again and angry.

Hard to really express it..but, your article made me feel ok I am not the only one...

[DANA]

Hi Mssphoto! Sorry to hear that you are struggling with anger issues, but I do understand since that is my challenge, too. As far as being angry at people who you have known the longest, it sounds like they do not permit you to discuss your concerns or issues. I think that you have every right to verbalize what you feel so you could try to resolve important issues. Communication is difficult if others are not willing to discuss your concerns. Just because you want to talk about something that others may not want to discuss does NOT give them the right to minimize how you feel.

Regardless of what medication that you are taking or whether you are scheduled to see your counselor does not give anyone the right to neglect how you feel. It sounds as if they are uncomfortable with dealing with their own emotions and feelings. Perhaps, while you have been seeking wellness through counseling and medication, you have grown stronger, you have learned more about yourself and you now see things differently than you did before? I definitely give you a HIGH FIVES! for continuing to take the best possible care of yourself.

Yesterday, while I was taking a walk outdoors, I past a card shop that had a cute plaque that said very interesting words. The plaque said, "LIFE MAY NOT ALWAYS BE A PARTY, BUT YOU MAY AS WELL DANCE WHILE YOU'RE HERE!" I love that and it has me thinking about my own life, my choices in life and coming to a place where I can let go and enjoy life!

So common, girlfriend, let's kick up our heals and boogie!

[bec1124]

Sometimes depression is chemically based.

[Voodoo]

Anger is like a flame; when it gets out of control you either feel that you need to put it out or revel in its power, using it until it burns out. Sadness is like a huge bucket of water that you splash on to keep anger from getting out of control to prevent- Guilt is like a rain; it pours down from some where and it causes you to stop and see what you have done. See the havoc your flames of anger have wrecked upon other people's hearts, but be warned that some hearts destroy themselves even when you have not harmed them with your anger or your words. Be warned because these hearts are tricky, if not tricksters. Also see if your anger has harmed yourself, you might be surprised by what you see. Emotions are important; they're answers to questions not yet asked, reactions to things not yet understood or noticed yet. But soon you'll notice or understand if you just ask why.

[DANA]

Bec1124, yes, I agree that depression may be chemically based. Here is information about other reasons for depression that I found on a website about depression:

Depression Causes : There is no single cause of depression. Early life experience, genetic predisposition, lifestyle factors, and certain personality traits all play a part in causing depression. Something that causes depression in one person may have no effect on another.

The causes of depression are many. Depression is a complex disease that can occur as a result of a multitude of factors. For some, depression occurs due to a loss of a loved one, a change in one's life, or after being diagnosed with a serious medical disease. For others, depression just happened, possibly due to their family history.

Voodoo, the last few sentences that you said, "EMOTIONS ARE IMPORTANT; THEY'RE ANSWERS TO QUESTIONS NOT YET ASKED, REACTIONS TO THINGS NOT YET UNDERSTOOD OR NOTICED, YET. BUT SOON YOU'LL NOTICE OR UNDERSTAND IF YOU JUST ASK WHY."

I reread these sentences over and over. What you wrote was intriguing and I started to ask myself why I had certain feelings and emotions about specific circumstances and specific individuals. What you wrote may unlock the mystery of anger. I am going to take your advice and spend more time unraveling the questions not yet asked.

However, I can not help, but wonder what I will feel once I tap into discovering the "why" behind unresolved anger issues? Does knowing and understanding the "why" determine whether I am angry or at peace with the circumstance?

[Sally]

Dana, I haven't spoken to my older sister in a year and a half and my blood boils if her name crosses my mind infact she is visiting my daughter this week so I've really had to keep in touch with my thinking. I never enter fear with there relationship or say anything nasty to Stacy about my sister but it does bother me because Stacy knows the things my sister has said or done that hurt me. But again it really doesn't have anything to do with Stacy so what she does is not my business.
The way I try to handle my anger is remembering I have made the choice to be angry no one is making me so if I want to be miserable have at it. So then I think, well thats not good why would I choose to be angery? So then I think I am only responsible for my own actions and my sister is only responsible for her actions so if she acts like a jerk it's her problem. So my choice has been to remove myself from her until I am not bitter if that ever happens because no matter how I've tried to handle it, it hasn't been the right choice for me. I wish this wasn't true but not seeing her or talking to her has been the best thing I've ever done. I have so much more peace in my life. I have thought about not seeing her many times but thinking because she is my sister that would not be an option. I talked to a theripist about it and he said it doesn't matter that she is my sister because she caused me so much stress it wasn't healthy for me and to move on.

I am not telling anyone this is what they should do but for me it has helped so much. Like you thinking maybe if I new the WHY behind things it would help but more than one councelor ahas told me it doesn't matter. The past is gone and the future isn't here be happy in the now.

Easier said than done!

[Voodoo]

Asking why causes you to admit that these emotions do exist, because you're asking for what reason they have in existing. Being aware of your emotions and asking why is not judging them, it is simply collecting information on them.

So if you were to ask, "Why do I feel angry about this?" you'll probably still be angry about whatever this is but hopefully have some good reasons that make sense. I think occasionally we as ADDers get worked up because we put too much stress on ourselves. So if there don't seem to be any logical reasons, then make up completely unlogical ones and laugh about them.

[DANA]

When I take a good hard look at why I am angry at something or someone, it is usually due to miscommunication, disappointment in someone who let me down or the outcome of a circumstance was negative or unpleasant. I think that even after everything is said and done, the end result may very well be the same.

I can analyze the entire situation and try to look at it from another perspective or angle, but the end result may still leave me feeling angry and without any peace. Therefore, I am not sure how I benefit from rehashing old anger, other than trying to continue to work through it and learn a valuable lesson.

[Lisa Forman]

For me it was pretty easy to identify my anger for people, places and things. I've been perceived as an anger person for much of my life but haven't really wanted to look at it until recently. Its not new that I've blamed my family and God for not fitting in and emotional and psychology abusing me. My analogy is: You can either break a horse or tame a horse by giving it a lot of space to explore themselves. I made a bit shift when I realized that I've been anger at myself for allow myself to be imprisoned in my anger and how it manifested in my life. Now there is a lot of greiving cause I really have missed out on love and intimate relationships. Now at 44, its like I am emotional 8.

As I've grown more consious of what I tell myself, I find that more memories appear everyday that elicit anger. I also get anger when people tell me that I am a certain way or don't give me options.

peace, Lisa

I have used a variety of healing methods include, therapy, EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique - awesome, and depth therapy

[sherry mulberry]

I definetly heard espression anger is depression turned inside out. My couslor told me that awhile back I have been going to counsling for about a year now.And I found out there was so much anger in me I was sick with it. I had deal with every little isue of my life that was bad and talk it out and help me with my anger. I remember one time she wanted me to yell at a chair and think it is that person that hurt me. Boy I went at it I felt so much anger come out of me that really suprised me. But, I know now when I get angry I just need to go off by myself somewhere and cool off. I felt like a onion being peeled away little by little . I really encourage counsling and sticking with it , it has changed my life for the better . But, everyone has their moments. sherry

[DANA]

Sherry,
I am happy to hear that you have experienced good benefits from going to counseling and dealing with your anger. I think that it was actually very helpful and healthy that the counselor chose to have you yell at the chair and pretend that it was someone who upset you. Very therapeutic!

I understand how you felt as if you were an onion and getting peeled, bit by bit. Yes, that is how it feels for me, too. During the "pruning stage", as I call it, we may feel uncomfortable, much pain and it may feel quite unpleasant. Yet, it truly is helpful to allow ourselves to work through our anger, depression, frustration and pain. This could be the MOST challenging thing in life, but in the long run, we experience healing, personal growth and change to become the person who we were destined to become.