Lost My Counselor Due To My Damned ADD

[D. Radcliffe]

Of all people to totally blow it my counselor. The best counselor I have ever had. The one that said she loved me and never would abandon me, like my parents did. The one out of anybody in the world that should have known that I was just totally frustrated about everything in my life,did not. So last November when I called her office and told her that I was upset and did not think that counseling was getting me anywhere and whatever else I told her during my fit of outrage, she took me seriously that I did not want to get treatment from her any longer. I tried for six months to see her again and they would not let me. I don't even know how much it is her and how much it is them. I do know that I had a miserable Christmas and thought about dying a lot for six months, at least. I missed her so badly. Still do, as much as I hate to admit it.

[Ashvina]

That is peculiar. I wonder if it was office policy for her to not see you any longer, or whether it was her own personal request. Are you seeing another counselor at the moment, then?

[D. Radcliffe]

Yes, I wonder the same thing. Was it up to her or was the decision not to see me and close my case decided for her by office rules.
I am still waiting for an appointment date to see a new counselor at a different counseling place. I was offered a chance to see different counselor at the old place and see a male counselor. That both insulted me and made me upset and angry. It is not like I get attracted to or fall in love with every counselor I see. So I really felt insulted by their idea of a "fresh start." How could that possibly be a "fresh start" when I do not see the counselor I saw for four years, yet still see her when I go to appointments?

[Clarissa Kelly]

I am so sorry that you had to feel abandoned by your counselor. That is very unprofessional of her.
It is a tiny bit odd that she stated that she "loved" a patient. That surely must have caused some confusing feelings. Especially as she then got upset by a simple outburst and then resorted to "freezing you out" without even an explanation. That pretty much sucks. I am sure that she probably did care for you, I just wonder if she was a truly stable person herself. Counselors need boundaries so they don't cross certain lines with clients. It sounds like she may have crossed a couple of them with you, and you may be better off finding someone with clear boundaries to help you with your own emotional world. I know they are only human, too, but they truly need to remain professional when confronted with human emotions! And after all, isn't their business human emotions???

I had a great counselor last year, then moved and changed insurance companies. I didn't want to see another counselor for awhile, because finding just the right one can be so frustrating. I got really down after that. I had moved away from my friends, went through the death of someone very close to me, and was feeling like I didn't matter. I finally gave in. I realized that I needed to find a counselor for my own health and well-being and started looking. I didn't like the first one (only went once), but the second one I went to has been a great fit for me--even as good as the one I had last year.

Give yourself a gift and allow yourself to consider seeing someone else. You deserve it, you truly do. You didn't deserve to be treated badly by parents or by a counselor, but you can start again. Your ADD is not you, you didn't ask for that to happen to yourself.

And realize that you made a wonderful connection with another human being (the counselor) and that you have it in you to attract someone just as great into your life, probably even someone better this time! If you put this behind you it will help you so much. Do it for yourself! :)

[D. Radcliffe]

I can not consider seeing another counselor as a "gift." Explaining my whole life story with all the failures is not my idea of a gift. I am going to try and do it. That is as long as the last counseling does not follow me to this new one. And I will soon find out too. I talked to them on the phone just a little while ago and they said I had an appt. with a "John Smith" on July 16 at 11:00. So I immediately asked why did they ask me if I would rather talk to a man or a woman at counseling and then give me the opposite of what I asked for. In other words a male counselor, when I said I would prefer a female counselor. They told me that they would have a counselor talk with the director about that and call me back. So that is where I am there, patiently waiting as usual. This gets so old, so fast. And it sucks!

[D. Radcliffe]

Yes Clarissa, you caught it. She said she loved me. And I told her I loved her too a lot. I loved bringing her little gifts each week. I also enjoyed giving her cards. I know that loving your counselor kind of breaks the rules, but I was just so attracted to her that was the least of my concerns. She had always treated me as special, right from the beginning. She would stop my appt. 15 minutes early so she could drive me home. And we would sit in her car in my driveway and talk. We had some of our best talks right there. We had no limits on what we would talk about, anything. It was kind of strange. It was like I had a girlfriend except I couldn't see her whenever I wanted. She would always call me after the weekend was over because I told her it was too long having to wait a whole week to talk to her again. That went on for quite a while, then unexpectedly her husband all of the sudden has a heart attack at 46 years old and dies! It really flipped me out. As soon as I found out I sent a letter to her house telling her that I was sorry her husband died and to let me know if there was anything I could do for her. She came back to work and I did everything I could to help her out. Not just her, she has a son too. We got to be really close. And I knew I couldn't see her as long as I was her patient, but I figured there would not be anything in the way if I just stopped counseling. Well it never turned out like that. Oh well, I don't know what to say. Maybe I shouldn't have got my hopes up? She was really something and I would have loved her no matter where I met her, she just happened to be my counselor.