dealing with a death with depression

[sherry mulberry]

I just lost the women I took care of for about year and it is so hard. I know we all have to deal with death it is just harder when we have to fight depresion on a daily basis. I have days right now I don't want to take a shower or get out of bed . I just need to remember that she would not want me to be this way . She was always smiling all the time even if she was having a bad day. I was blessed to know her and have her in my life as long as I did. She had ms she was quadraplegic and she got really sick with congestive heart failure. I sat and watched her die in front of me and I can't get that out of my head . We just had the memorial for her last week. So I'm still greaving. I will always love you Linda as I always said to you I will love you for always and forever.

[Jim Drey]

Sherry-

I understand!

In June of last year, my 62 yo brother dropped dead after recuperating at home for three weeks following surgery. Many, many unanswered questions about the way he didn't "communicate" with me, but did with my sister. That relationship is also very strained.

I had been taking 60mg of cymbalta, one of many antidepressants that are available, but in August (having had a delayed reaction), I told my psychiatrist about my additional depression, and he immediately "upped" me to 60mg twice daily. I am still on two a day, and it has made a huge difference in my life.

So that you are aware, if you don't already, depression is one of many comorbidities (these are "go withs" ADHD). Suggestion: seek professional help.

"Time heals all wounds"

Jim Drey

[sherry mulberry]

So sorry for your loss Jim well I'm going to get tested for sure thursday for adhd. I hope I find out what they need to know so they can help me . I thought I was just dealing with this but, now my grandfather is intesive care in Wichita kansas . So I guess when it wants to rain it rains big drops. I'm trying to stay up but, as you no it is a day to day struggle. God be with you and your family. Thanks time does heal all wounds. sherry

[sherry mulberry]

I thought I was done hurting I just found out their taking my grandfather off life support tomorrow. I just had come to grips with LInda's death. I have to be strong for my sons, it is so hard right now I need all the love and support right now . I hurt so bad inside . I don't want to be put in anywhere I'm trying to keep it together . I love my grandfather he is 94 yrs. old . Not to many people can say they had their grandpa for that long. Boy he could tell the stories of ww11 . I love you grandpa just let god take you now.

[sherry mulberry]

Well I was just surpised that my grandfather woke up and started to breathing over the vitalator . and he was asked to squeeze their hand and he did . God is so good .

[spacecatpj]

Sherry,

I'm so glad to hear that your grandfather woke up and started breathing over the ventalator and was able to squeeze a family member's hand upon request. That must have been such a great and unexpected surprise! You certainly have experienced a lot of intense grief and pain, which seems to exemplify how much you genuinely love and care about your grandfather and Linda. If you ever would like to reminisce or share some of your grandfather's World War 2 stories that he shared with you, I'd definitely be an avid listener as I love World War 2 stories. In fact, if you ever want to reminisce about anything concerning your grandfather and Linda, I'd love to hear about it, as it sounds like they both have tremendous influence and impact on your life (as I'm sure they would say that about you as well). I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, as I know depression can be such a huge struggle and burden to deal with on a daily basis, let alone compounding the depression with the pain of grief, loss, and/or expected/anticipatory loss. I do hope you seek professional help so you can get the image of Linda dying in front of you from being being permanently seared into your mind and it playing over & over again in your head, as Linda wouldn't want you to be in such agonizing pain everytime you think of her.
As I said earlier, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, and please know how much I appreciate your grandfather's service in World War 2. That must have been quite an amazing (and frightening) time to be alive when one thinks about what was truly at risk.

With Warmest Wishes,
Penni N.

[sherry mulberry]

Thanks so much Penni, Yes it was so amazing today . I have been through alot of emotions through alot of emotions. I have been going to counsling . Yes I defiently need it aftr soemthing like that . I'm doing alot better now that my grandpa is ok . He was a sergent and he told his crew what to do . He told me if you don't fall inline you will have to pay for it. He was pretty messed up when he came home he would have terriable night mares . He would yell and scream at night . My grandma and grandpa don't sleep in the same bed because she couldn't take his nightmares. They have a two twin beds in the same room. They have been married for 63 years. Well thanks so much for the prayers . you take care
sherry

[spacecatpj]

Sherry,

That's wonderful news that your grandfather is doing so much better!! I've heard that many of the World War 2 Veterans haven't really openly talked about and/or discussed their war-time experiences until recently (and some of the World War 2 Veterans still haven't talked about their experiences at all) because of the trauma of what they had to live through, endure, and witness. Did your grandfather serve on the European or Pacific front? As I was reading your description of your grandfather, I couldn't help but think about some of the POSITIVE stories that I've read about the late great General George Patton (please note that I emphasize the word "positive" with what I'm about to mention as most people who know a little about Patton know that he was a rather colorful and controversial person - but he exuded confident leadership and you better do as he said or he may pick you up by your ears and you'll be given a swift kick in the ass- Patton had his soldiers fall in line and they all had their ties on, and their boots shined, something that wasn't done prior to Patton's arrival to this specific Army Corp. If you didn't do as he said and fall in line, there was a definite price to pay. But by his leadership, he instilled confidence in his men who served under him and he became known as"Old Blood and Guts." As I'm rambling on about this, just know that I meant this as a sincere compliment, whether or not I'm way off base and whether or not I'm explaining myself very well, as I realize your grandfather had to enforce the judgments from those ranked over him onto those ranked under him (and I can't even begin to fathom how stressful that must have been!!!). Since you mentioned the word "crew", it makes me wonder if your grandfather served as a Sergeant in the Navy, Air force, Army or Marine Corp? Does he talk about what it was like to be alive when Franklin Delano Roosevelt was President or when Truman was President? Or what it was like when the atomic bombs were used against Japan in 1945 to bring World War 2 to a close? Or what it was like to be alive at the same time that Churchill, MacArthur, Hitler and Stalin were alive and were prominant leaders and/or commanders? Please tell your grandfather THANK YOU for me, as he truly is an American HERO in my eyes (as I shudder to think about how things could have turned out to be like if World War 2 would have been lost). I'm so glad you were given the gift of having more time with your grandfather, and I sincerely hope that the nightmares that your grandfather has had to endure since his service in World War 2 have at least decreased in both frequency and intensity over the years.

I also wanted to ask you if you were able to get the results of your ADHD test? I'm hoping you were able to get some answers to at least some of the questions that you must have running through your head. Well I better bring this message to a close. Please take care of yourself and I look forward to hearing from you soon (hopefully with continued positive news).
Penni

[Bryan Hutchinson]

Sherry and Jim,

I am so sorry to hear about your losses. I too feel very deeply, and often confused when someone close passes away from my life. I just want you to know I am thinking of both of you and thank you for taking such time to share your feelings with the rest of us.

Bryan

[sherry mulberry]

Thanks so much Bryan . I'm doing better now I just needed time to greive , I still miss her terrible .But, I know now she would not me be like this for long . She always had a smile on her face. Even when she was in the hospital . So I'm going to be like her and have a smile on my face . And go on with my life and finding another job. God is always with me so I will be ok.

[DANA]

Sherry and Jim,

I am very sorry to hear that both of you are going through recent losses. Even though life and death is a normal part of living, coping with the loss of a loved one or a friend is very challenging.

Sherry, that is good to be going to counseling. I think that it is helpful to talk to someone professional and to work through various emotions. Another helpful idea is to journal and write down your thoughts and feelings. It could be a therapeutic method to healing.

Jim, I have been prescribed Cymbalta and I have been taking it for 11 months. I wanted to mention to you that one of the side affects of Cymbalta is to experience a worsening of depression, anxiety and moods.

Although, this is not a common side effect, it did happen to me in May. At first, I was not sure why I was feeling more anxious or depressed, but by June, I knew that the Cymbalta was at the root of this. My doctor cut the dosage in half and it has definitely made a HUGE difference for me.

Like most medication, what works for one does not necessarily work for everyone. There are pro's and con's to all medication. I hope that you are doing well!

[sherry mulberry]

Thanks so much Dana , I just started taking cymbalta for about three monthes but, I have been going through this so I will have to see how I feel when I get through this. sherry

[Janice Adamson]

Having a high stress life, along with depression is bad enough... add in the fact that I'm a single parent of five, four with comorbid disorders, including varied degrees of ADHD, some also within the autistic spectrum.
My mom passed just a week ago, (very unexpectedly - she was only 60) and I'm struggling with the grieving process.
Two days later I found myself in excruciating pain with an ulcer. My mom's passing was the catalyst for the full blown attack.
My father is in the hospital still - three months after breaking his hip. He requires 24 hr. care and is struggling with even the thought of a nursing home, which is what his reality is.
My depression is circumstantial, but I've been on a myriad of medications for years, now. I keep hoping that my life will get easier. I'm just trying to take things one day at a time, now.
Thanks everyone for just listening. For all of you who have experienced a loss I extend to you my apologies and condolences.
-Janice