WHY ARE MEN SO INSECURE?

[DANA]

I need to vent. Yesterday, I received a Netflix movie in the mail called "NIGHTS IN RODANTHE" starring Richard Gere & Diane Lane. The love story is based on the book by Nicholas Sparks. Anyways, my mom wanted to go see this movie when it came out during the summer last year, but it never came to a theater close by so we never saw it. As soon as it became available on Netflix, I ordered it so my mom & I could watch it together.

I normally try to go to my mothers house at least once a week or every other week to spend time with her since she lives alone, is in her 70's, has poor health and is lonely. Plus, my mom and I have a close relationship and I consider her one of my best friends!

Due to the winter weather, my recent kidney stone, my 10 year old coming down with strep throat and all the hectic things going on in my life, I have not been over my mother's house in over one month. I feel bad about it because I realize that she is lonely and that most of my sisters rarely make it a priority to visit our mother.

Therefore, when the movie arrived yesterday, I called my mom to ask her if she would like to watch it with me at her house. She said that she would love to see the movie and to come on over. I told my hubby that I was going to go over to my moms to watch the movie and to my surprise, my husband made a BIG deal about it.

My husband started complaining that the movie Nights in Rodanthe was about a married woman having an affair with some guy. My husband said that he was totally against it and that he did not want me watching this movie. For some reason, (Could it be INSECURITIES?)
my husband gets so ticked off when I watch movies with Richard Gere because he knows that I think he is so good looking. I know how stupid this sounds and how ridiculous it is, but every single time I watch a movie with a male actor who I think is "HOT", my husband gets angry with me. That just drives me crazy and I think it is so immature. (Yeah, like does he really think that I am ever going to meet this actor in real life?)

So I am ready to leave to go to my moms when I try to kiss my husband "goodbye" and he refuses to kiss me. He was angry and letting me know it! I was very non-chalant about it and figured that he needed to sulk if he wanted to, but I am an adult who finds nothing wrong with watching this movie with my mother.

Just because a movie is about an affair does NOT mean that I am going to end up in an affair. If I watch a movie with someone getting murdered, it doesn't mean that I am going to murder someone or get murdered! That is just insane thinking and not logical.

I go to my mothers and we watch the movie, which by the way, was EXCELLENT and we enjoyed it very much. It was definitely a "chick flick" and if you like love stories then you should like this one. After the movie, my mom & I chatted for awhile. Then I came home to discover that my husband was still ticked off at me for going over to my moms to watch the movie. He would not speak to me, look at me or anything.

I made up my mind that my husband was just insecure and that we need to agree to disagree on certain subjects, such as this one. Today, I emailed my husband at work asking if he was still angry with me. He emailed me back and said that I was wrong to watch that movie.

Be honest and share what you think about this stupid disagreement between my husband and me. Do you and your hubby or boyfriend ever have ridiculous fights like this? Most importantly, are most men simply insecure?

[NerdyMommy]

Well, I'm not sure this makes much of a difference, but in the movie, the woman's husband had left her for another woman and they were in the midst of a divorce. Just prior to her going to Rodanthe, her husband had asked to come home (things didn't work out with the girlfriend, it seems!). So yes, technically she was a married woman, but her husband had already LEFT her for someone else. Not like she just ran out and had an affair all willy-nilly :)

It does sound to me like he's feeling insecure about you watching a movie with HOTTER THAN HOT Richard Gere :) But I think, more to the point Dana, is WHY is he feeling insecure? Rational or not, there's usually a reason for a reaction like his - on some level, his insecurities are being caused by something. It may be something from within him, or something that he perceives you have done, or not done... but either way, it's obviously bothering him. Maybe you can try to get to the bottom of this with him - the movie, I think, is a smokescreen for what he's really feeling. He may just need some extra reassurance - after all, he IS a guy hahahaha!

[DANA]

My husband never watched the movie so he doesn't know the fact that the female was the one to get cheated on and abandoned by her husband. My husband would probably say that it doesn't matter, though, because they are still married.

I know that my husband is still having difficulty with challenges that we had in our marriage three years ago. We went to counseling and I was hoping that our marriage was on track, but it appears that he still has issues that he has never dealt with.

[Nicole Sternitzky]

Ugh! Glad I am not the only one in this boat...lol
I am STILL dealing with dh's attitude about the movie "Unfaithful", which we watched (very uncomfortably) in the theaters when it came out, and then when a friend put together a few DVD's for me to watch on my days off last month. GEESH!
And why do men remember EVERYTHING in detail, about every fight or disagreement, yet have a hard time communicating, and yet (my DH) still can't remember his own phone number or zip code at times? LOL

[DANA]

Yes, I agree that this is one ridiculous relationship challenge! GRRRR!

I am trying to remember the movie, "Unfaithful." Was this the movie with sexy Richard Gere? If so, then yes, I did watch it! The funny thing is that I think my husband watched it with me, but I do not think that he made a huge deal about it. Hmmmm.....That has me STUMPED!

I think this entire issue of men being insecure is sometimes ALL in their head, but without true facts to back up the insecurity. In my opinion, individuals should NOT trust their emotions 100% because the heart can fool us when we least expect it. (For example: Love is blind and so many individuals do not see the "red flags" of serious issues with the one they have fallen in love with. They are following their heart/emotions, instead of their head.) Our head, which is where common sense comes from, is more reliable.

What do you think? Are men insecure because they are following their heart or emotions instead of concentrating on common sense?