DO YOU FOLLOW YOUR HEART OR YOUR HEAD?

[DANA]

The question for the day is DO YOU FOLLOW YOUR HEART OR YOUR HEAD WHEN MAKING IMPORTANT DECISIONS?

There are so many decisions that crop up on a daily basis. Some decisions are minor, such as "What flavor Starbucks should I drink?" OR "What shall I buy at the grocery store?"

Other decisions are much more important and can alter your entire life if you accidentally make the wrong choice, such as "I am not going to take my Adderall for one month." OR "I hate my job so I am going to quit!"

For the extremely impulsive ADDer, the worst scenario may be dramatic, such as purchasing a brand new car when you do not earn enough income to pay for it, getting pregnant because all of your friends are having babies, investing in stock that has not been successful, relocating clear across the USA, getting married to an individual whom you have known for one month or telling your supervisor that you think she is fat and unattractive. (Oh, how I would love to be a fly on the wall to see how your supervisor responds!)

For the ADDer, impulsive behavior can complicate the decision process, especially if we do not get all the necessary facts, which are absolutely necessary to make an educated decision. As an ADDer gal, I admit to the downfall and negative consequences of making the wrong choice, due to impulsively jumping too quickly, rushing my decision or experiencing unclear thinking, while making my decision.

Boy, oh boy, do I know all too well what it is like to impulsively make a decision and later find myself in quite a pickle! Then I feel so angry at my own self by silently screaming, "What was I thinking? Why did I allow myself to get into this mess!?" (Live & learn......)

Personally, I have learned the hard way to NOT trust my heart or feelings when I need to make an important decision. Through the years, I have learned that I must follow and actively rely on my head by using common sense and logical facts. In addition, I strongly rely on my inner intuition because it is usually ALWAYS correct.

So my question to you is DO YOU FOLLOW YOUR HEART OR YOUR HEAD WHEN MAKING IMPORTANT DECISIONS? Has ADD/ADHD complicated your decision making process?

[Ilah Barnes]

I have a tendancy to overthink things. Could this be an overcompensation for being impulsive? I remember when I was young my mother always emphasized thinking things though, looking at all your options, comparison shopping, etc.

I wonder if there is a natually impulsive person under all this conditioning.

I always had to give a "good reason" for my choices. This was difficult for me to do. It is very difficult for me to put my emotions into words. I have often been told that the way I feel "doesn't make sense" or that I was overreacting. I admit I am pretty emotional and tend toward mood swings. The implication was that my feelings were not to be trusted. So a "good reason" seemed to mean a logical reason. So I got in the habit of coming up with logic reasons for everything, even when the real reason was emotional.

Somewhere I think I stopped listening to my heart.

I have been trying to listen more to my heart, more to those emotions that "don't make sense." It is a process though, I am still l working on it.

I also find that studying brain differences helps me to be more accepting of my emotions. Once I accepted that my brain was wired differently than most people, the emotions started to make a little more sense. For example, I understand why things that don't bother most people very much are very hard on me.

[DANA]

John Doe,

Everyone diagnosed with ADD/ADHD has their own unique personality, strengths, weaknesses and ADD moments. However, it appears that many ADDer's experience many social challenges at school, college and the workplace. I have read that ADDer's miss important social clues to respond appropriately and in the manner that is socially acceptable. I think that the ADHD plays a huge role in are difficulties with making friends and getting along well with others.

As an adult, I went back to school about 9 years ago. Throughout the year of schooling, I felt as if I did not connect with anyone in my class and I felt so alone. Deep down, I sincerely wondered if there are characteristics about me, my personality or my ADHD that "rub" people the wrong way? As an extrovert, I talk a lot. As an ADDer, I unintentionally interrupt people when they are talking and it probably drives people crazy!

If I take a step back to clearly look at the way I behave and talk, I suppose that some individuals may have a negative impression of me if they can not stand assertive females? In reality, I sincerely try to prevent myself from interrupting others when they are talking, I try to force myself to listen and I truly want to be accepted by others. There are times in which I focus hard enough to keep my mouth shut and not interrupt others. Trust me, it takes every ounce of self-discipline! Yet, I have to admit to the fact that this is an ADDer challenge for me, due to impulsive behavior and having an outgoing personality.

All we can do is attempt to BE OURSELVES, regardless of our ADD/ADHD, our flaws, our personality or any other negative traits. The bottom line is that we want to be accepted and we want to be liked (At least I know that I do....),but we must never forget that others should truly accept us and like us for WHO WE ARE ON THE INSIDE.

As long as we are attempting to manage our negative behaviors and trying to be "real" for who we are, a true friend will accept the whole package deal, including ADHD symptoms. The reality of social interactions is that there will be times in which others will like us and accept us, but other times in which we unintentionally rub people the wrong way. The key is to just be the best self that you can be!

As far as Starbucks, which I am a true fan, I think that the baristas expect customer's to walk up to the cash register knowing in advance what they want and how to correctly order their beverage. But the truth is that most individuals walk into Starbucks, look at the huge variety of flavors and drinks that they are intimidated and need more time to consider the best choice. On top of that, the average person is unaware of the correct way to verbally order a Starbucks.

My girlfriend Rhonda and I have literally joked around practicing the correct way to order our Starbucks. We asked the barista if she could help us out by telling us the exact way to order our latte and she was very kind by sharing this with us. As an ADDer, I may not always remember the precise way to order my Starbucks latte, but hey, I am only human!

By the way, this week I discovered that my local Starbucks has changed the Gingerbread latte flavor back to the original flavor, which is the BEST! If you love flavors then you will enjoy this one!

[Eileen]

Hi Dana,
This is a very timely article for me. I am definitely an emotional decision maker. In general, I accept that about myself, that emotions are my strong point and therefore I determine my feelings about an issue to decide a course of action. However, as with anything, there has to be some balance so when I rely too heavily on how I feel and not enough on what is rational or best in a global way, then things tend to go awry.
I don't think that emotional decision-making is inherently bad; it's just when it's coupled with impulsivity that it becomes dangerous in many of the ways you mentioned. So yes, in that way ADHD has complicated my decision-making. I don't necessarily believe all ADDers are emotional decision makers per se, but we are almost all impulsive. Also, my ability to become locked onto a course of action without being able to accept alternatives is, I feel, a blinding ADD complication. A secondary complication from all of this is that I have a difficult time accepting negative feedback, so if someone doesn't like my decisions or disagrees with me, it can make me defensive as if I need to defend my intelligence. This, I believe, comes from growing up bright but with ADD and never feeling quite "good enough." Now that I'm older, I can manage the defensiveness much better and, for the most part I don't react that way anymore. But I can see it as a pattern in my younger life.

Great question!!! Glad to be catching up on the blogs. I've been offline for awhile so I have a lot of reading to do!

[john doe]

I've been specifically struggling with this over the past month. I've been meeting new people when I started school this fall and I think I already rubbed my new buddies the wrong way just from my own impulses.
Anyway, there is no need to go further into my story with this post.
It really is nice to be given assurance that I'm not the only one. For some reason, I feel as if it means that I'm a "normal" human being. I had the Starbucks experience just the other day! Sometimes I think the baristas are irritated and wondering what the hold up is all about. Is it just my imagination? I often just go with a decision in haste just so I don't have to experience that rejected feeling.

[DANA]

Melissa,

Thank you for sharing your own experience with following your heart versus your head. I suppose that everyone has to learn from their mistakes the hard way? Hopefully, it allows us to grow, learn important lessons in life and to make better decisions in the future.

[Melissa Raines]

Boy can I identify with all of that , I myself have made some very impulsive decisions over the last 10 yrs or so , most of these impulsive decisions I've made over the last ten yrs have been made from my heart - which always ended up getting me into trouble & left emotionally hurt as well angry @ myself for allowing myself to be so nieve . How ever there were also some decisions that I made with my head but at the same time was for the benift of some one else's heart - then again I have made decisions by following my heart & ended up loosing the best thing god ever gave me .