Evaluation more like an initial interview and convo with Special Ed Teacher via email ~ and rambling thoughts

[Liz♥]

ME: Meeting with Clinician went well but was generally a interview, no testing done. They would like his
school to perform the comprehensive psychological testing.
Special ED: We hire a school psychologist to do testing and then I do the academics testing.
This is a part of the RTI process, Liz, when ultimately determining the need for special education services.
My hopes were that, with medicine, he would experience the ability to focus and learn, and then he would
not need special education services (once he caught up academically). We can continue with the process,
within the next few weeks I will send you a permission to test form, and then I will schedule the testing
which will probably happen in October. In the meantime, let's discuss a behavior plan for him to help him
in the classroom.
(My thoughts on this: Meeting with his teacher and Spec. Ed teacher, his teacher said he was fine academically it was just his behavior that needed work. I do agree that he needs help
with focus. So behavior is his main teacher's objective and Special Ed's main objective is medication for focus. What is an RTI process?)
ME:
Any suggestions for a in class behavior plan would be great. Just let me know what I can do or information
you need. I have been trying at home and it was working during the summer but has since gone awry
since school started, and his behavior seems to be getting worse at home. I explained about everything
going on and how long it has been going on. I mentioned the disruptive behavior problems in class and
gave her his report cards to note the comments from his teachers also. She also made copies of the
Connors' Reports, and I come to find out I need to bring them back to his pediatrician. She asked (my boy)
and I many questions and (my boy) was great.
I asked his dad to go with us today and he expressed his views to her.
(This basically consisted of how when he was a boy and so on, mainly about himself.
Therapist got a good look into his psych. When I was asked why we were there, I mentioned
first and foremost to help my son and the rest here. <-My view of it was not in email)

Once they have the psychological results, they will go from there to start off. I am a bit disappointed and
confused too, as I expected the testing, etc. to be done today and a plan to start on. But they informed me
that usually the school will initiate it and they can follow up from there, to determine what is going on with
(my boy).
She stated, "well let's make sure if it's neurological or something else or a combination, and with the
school results they can move forward from there." I wish I knew that they wanted this before hand.
Hopefully soon everyone will be on the same page, I know you, (his teacher) and I are as to what's going
on with (my son). I left a message with them to call me back. Thank you so much & talk with you soon
(FYI I am parent helper in class tomorrow)

Special ED: Liz -- I guess I'm confused -- was this appointment a pediatrician? His pediatrician is the
one who can make the diagnosis. The school's psychologist and teachers, etc. are not doctors, so we can
only tell them what "characteristics" he possesses, e.g., (he) displays the characteristics of a boy with
attention issues, etc. We can't make a diagnosis. That's why we always tell the parents to START with the
pediatrician -- the pediatrician can make a diagnosis, and then medicine can be attempted, and then if
characteristics continue, then we can go with our psychologist's tests -- again, can't make diagnosis.
So, it was my hopes that his behaviors would be controlled by medicine, and then we would not have to
go further with testing
(and he could start to exhibit good behaviors (focusing, impulse control, etc.) in the class. I know you're
confused -- I'm confused, too. Talk to me tomorrow about the doctor's visit (sounds more like a therapist?)
-- for her to say something like, let's make sure it's not neurological? We can't determine that --
only a doctor can. Thank you for all your dedication to his education! We'll work through this!
Thanks! (Special ED)

(My thoughts on this: I would think if she knew all this she might have mentioned it to me
before hand. But I think she thought I would go to his doctor and demand he be put
immediately on medication. HA! At least she admits she isn't a Doctor. And I don't know if she remembers that these characteristics of my son have been there since he started school
there for the past three years, but seemed to have gotten worse with this teacher.

ME: I did start with his pediatrician. This was a therapist that he referred us to and she did mention
making sure it wasn't a neurological problem. He also he told me they would evaluate him and make a
determination as to what specifically is going on with him. I will call his Ped. and see when I can drop
off the Connor's to him or make another appt. for him which ever is necessary. From what I am perceiving
now, they want all the facts before they make any sort of diagnosis before recommending a treatment, whether behavioral or medication. In which I am pretty certain he would benefit from both types of treatment.
See you tomorrow ~ G'nite

~End on email tag ~

More thoughts:

The next day I was a parent volunteer in which I signed up for once a month, I may just pop in on Monday and offer my "services" again. I observed my son, the class and the teachers. My son was basically bored, couldn't or wouldn't do his classwork and we ended up taking it home to complete. (I made copies of worksheets and graded papers and checked off different worksheets by which student names on a list) The class in my opinion seems haphazardly

run, but it was test friday and she had I think four different groups testing.
(she has about 15 - 4th & 6 - 5th graders with two tests each)

I also noted that when she gives instructions to the "groups" she expects them all to stop
what they are doing and listen without a "attention please" or anything??? Then she speaks VERY FAST, giving at least 4-5 tasks to be done.
(I couldn't even understand or get it all, much less have to write it down in a planner)
She makes lists on the board which I asked her about and she said "the things
with stars are "graded work", some is classwork, and some is homework."
I only saw the Asst. teacher once personally help one student with work and
the "main teacher" not at all.

I understand it was test day so that is why I want to help/observe on Monday :)

Anyway ~ I've spoken to different mom's at the soccer practices and it seems there are a lot
of children with different "special needs" going to this school. Two in my son's class, one
has dyslexia and the other AD/HD not treated. Even my son's soccer Coach informed me "he
has a lot of "higher learning" students and it was no problem for him" when I mentioned
to him about my son and his yet to be AD/HD. Coach is really great with the kids.

 

It was a hectic and stressful week with every other day meltdowns from my son.  Hubby is in his what I call "manic-downer moods" and has been doing his passive/aggressive emotional abuse.  He'll either not talk to me or blast the TV really loud.  When he does talk to me it's about how I can just do what I want with our son.  I have no support from him as what ever I do is being mean and not letting him be a kid.  He has no idea!  Yes I am venting now :)

 

One thing he did mention to the therapist and it has been a repeated conversation regarding our son is that he wants him to show respect and be responsible.  Yesterday our son wanted a new video game and I had a few conversations with him about how would you like to earn money toward it?  Well he agreed to doing something and we were all set to try it out this coming week where he would get a allowance for chores, amt and chores agreed to already.  Well his dad decided on his own to tell him, "No you don't have to do that, here is the money."  I heard this all this morning as I was waking up and decided to wait to see how this turns out.  Turns out while I am constructing the desk I bought for my son, hubby walks by and says "we are going out to get a game he wants."  I told hubby I know. Son tells me, "well you didn't want to buy it."  They go and come back, while son is out of the room I asked hubby, "I thought you wanted him to learn responsibility?"  He ignores me of course and walks away.

Am I being too hard?  Too OCD about everything?  I begin to question myself again. 

Later I tell my son, "Yes, I could have just bought you the game, but I was hoping to teach you responsibility and value of working for things you want, and I thought that is what your father wanted too."  He tells me, "I will when I grow up and go to work."  (Something verbatim from his dad)  This would be fine, if son didn't have a compulsion to get what he wants NOW every single time, and won't stop talking about it until you get it for him. (Another thing I got blamed for by "giving into son" when he was a toddler.)  This was also a lesson on delayed gratification but I don't think either son or hubby would get it. 

It is hard enough dealing with my son and his emotions and everything, without being sabotaged in the process by my hubby.  Hubby just has to be the "good guy" and do nothing because he doesn't see any problems.  He isn't concerned about him except when it affects him personally.

Yes we have problems and I'm airing the laundry. :)

 

 

 

 

 

[Margaret]

Hi Liz

I just saw this today.

I must admit to being very confused as to the evaluation process your son is going through. While Connor's scales can be helpful, I also find at times that they are unhelpful if the person filling them out already has a pre-conceived idea as to whether or not the child has ADHD. The point is that your son is showing symptoms in all domains - school, home and community. I am somewhat confused as to what they are looking for with the therapists' eval.

As a ped, I evaluate the medical causes for behavioural symptoms - ADHD, depression, anxiety, brain tumour, genetic/metabolic illness, bipolar,etc. I also try to get a detailed idea as to the child's home and school environment, as that can greatly affect how any of these things look in a child.

If the child is having a lot of academic issues, or seems particularly bright, I will try to get psycho-ed testing done to look for LD, giftedness, etc. It is difficult to do here - doing it through the schools is hard - they don't have enough psychologists, and the waiting list stretches to at least a year!! The other option is to go for private testing - generally only feasible if a family has benefits that will cover it, as it is really expensive.

Anyway, I hope you get it all sorted out. Remember that ADHD, ODD, mood disorders and LD like to run in packs - having one of them does NOT rule out having another, just makes it more complicated to provide the correct help for the child!

[Liz♥]

Update: Pediatrician Doctor actually called me yesterday evening!  I was amazed that in this day and age Doctors call their patients.

Well he said he completed the Connors' Reports and got the results; According to the two teachers and my report my boy has "slight AD/HD" according to my boy's report he doesn't at all.  He asked about the assessment at Harmony and I told him again what I did in the letter yesterday about them wanting the school to get a Psychological assessment there and they will also schedule an appt. there within the next two weeks back up if they can't get one done at the school sooner.  I was told sometime in October by Special Ed. teacher.  Also the Ped. Dr. said he wasn't inclined to prescribe meds. at this time and I told him I wasn't either as I would like a thorough assessment.  I mentioned that I thought some cognitive behavior therapy would be good for him and doctor agrees.  So I will be looking into that, but probably hold off on getting that done until assessment as I think it may not be the only thing needed.  Neurofeedback is also something that I am looking into but didn't mention that.  I've decided to give the Special Ed teacher till Friday to let me know what's going on with the Psychologist and ask them if there is a date yet?  <-squeaking the wheel :)

Yes it is difficult to wait and my boy is having his good and bad days.  

Today was a bad one and I think it started last night, like a switch he changed from being nice and compliant to not, he had a talk with his dad and I don't know what it was all about but, my boy refused to go to bed and insisted on staying up an 1 1/2 hours more.  All I told him was that if he didn't go to bed that I don't want to have to fight with him in the morning.  Well, it was a rough morning and he barely got to school.  So I guess it carried over through the day.

I decided for my sanity and not to encourage arguments that I will discuss things with him for 1 hr only and that I won't go around and around with him, I will be patient and if I start to lose it I will excuse myself.  Bottom line is that he knows what he is responsible for and if he doesn't follow-through then he loses his privileges.  Today it was homework and make-up classwork that he isn't doing in class.  So it would have to be done or no TV, PC, or Xbox until done, and if not done today none of that until it is done.   I reminded him that I am there to help him and I am next to him typing this now, but he can't see this of course.  His father actually talked with him and he is now doing some schoolwork ~ wow!

I did a brave thing today and printed out a couple pages of "Parenting Tips"  and an article about how parents are their children's role models and left it on my hubby's bible.  (Since talking to him doesn't work.)  I over heard his father telling him that when he got home he found this and prayed on it. Then our son went to do his schoolwork, so it is a good thing :)  Thank God for small blessings.  

Reply to Doug:  I missed your comment about hubby having it too, but yes I do believe he does and I may also but have learned to function with it.  Some of my ways are probably really annoying to others as I find that I want and need to have all the facts possible to make a informed decision, some facts maybe trivial to others and that is where I think some get annoyed.  I call getting the facts my OCD.  I tend to procrastinate if it is something I dread doing but I talk myself into it.  I get depressed and gloomy but I always look for the good side in everything and that helps me be as positive as possible when things are falling apart around me.  My dad told my hubby on the phone a few weeks ago that I had a hard life <-to which I am grateful my dad acknowledges that and it gave me a bit of validation of how far I've come.  Not going into my past but it maybe be a typical un-diagnosed ADD life from what I've read, if there is a typical one ~ Ha, ha!  

[doug puryear]

you're welcome.

men do tend to be afraid of counseling .

if your son might have add and your husband yells if you interrupt him do you think he might have it too?

have you read the dance of anger by lehrner?

you might be thinking of strategies to help your husband to be motivated to go to counseling with you.

good luck

doug

[Liz♥]

Thanks Doug ~ I am up for trying medication, I am concerned of the "bad side" of them but if it helps him and needs it then I'm fine with it.  I dropped the Connors' Reports off at the Pediatricians today with a letter about the assessment and Special Ed teacher's concerns.  If anything doesn't move fast enough, you can be sure I will be a very loud squeaky wheel.  The diagnosis is important to me I guess because I am OCD about getting all the facts and going from there.

This is how I got my hubby to go to son's meeting:  "(Our son) has his evaluation tomorrow, if you aren't working would you go with us?  I would really like you to be there.  He pauses for a while thinking I guess and finally says okay, if I'm not at work.  Getting ready to go the next day, (or anywhere is hell getting out the door) and I hear hubby yell at my son to hurry up so you can get this over with.  This I take as him thinking this is a one time thing to "get over and done with."

Hubby refuses to go to counseling with me.  I've tried many times.  He doesn't see the need for it...I guess he likes being miserable?  He prays, and I'm not super religious even though my father is a Reverend,  but I feel he uses it as an excuse to shut us out.  For example: He will be watching a preacher on TV and I'm making dinner and ask him a question, he will yell at me for interrupting him while he takes his notes on the sermon.  I've thought, wow very contrary to the teachings of Jesus. :P  Going through this is difficult to say the least and I have considered divorce many times.  It is still an option.  I do love my hubby but I am conflicted with the love for my son and his well being and love for his father too.

I'm so happy that you have found happiness from reading your posts and I still hold hope for some of that happiness too. :)

[doug puryear]

this is probably heresy - but there is no harm in trying some ritalin even when you dont have a clear diagnosis - it will help, or it wont, either way you have learned something, and if it does help, wonderful ! then do you really care about the "diagnosis?"   i anticipate some flak for this but it makes sense to me

good luck

doug

[doug puryear]

wow. double wow.  hope you can find ways to push the process, the systems are generally overloaded and the ugly truth is the squeaking wheel gets the grease, or maybe the ritalin in this instance.

would it help if you and hubby could see a counselor together who knows about adhd/add and get on the same page?

best wishes

doug