Feels like I'm starting a long strange trip. And I have NO idea what to pack.

[Chandra Rambo]

I have not been diagnosed with ADHD. I have my first appointment with a psychologist in two weeks, then a "testing" appointment two weeks after that, and a follow up in mid-October to find out if I "really" have ADHD or if it's just all in my head ;)

 

I've lived most of my life thinking that I was just an unmotivated, disorganized, procrastinating slob. Having ADHD myself never occurred to me until a couple of years ago, and I didn't take the possibility seriously until recently. This despite the fact that two out of three of my sons have ADHD and I have clearly seen the effects of it, treated and untreated.

 

I honestly don't think I realized until the last few years that it isn't that common for people to regularly find themselves in the middle of the superstore with a cart full of stuff and a panicked look on the face, thinking "what did I come in here for? I know it was important but..."  I didn't know that most people don't regularly lose their car keys before they even get out of the car. I thought everyone was frantic every morning trying to get the clothes, the coffee, the kids, the keys, and out the door by a specific time. I had no idea that so many people who wear glasses actually know where their glasses are when they aren't wearing them. 

 

I didn't realize that not all children got sent to their room every Saturday with orders to "not come out until that pigsty was clean!" - and then got in terrible trouble when the parents walked in 15 minutes later and found the kid taking apart a music box to see how it worked. I thought that was a normal part of childhood, like skinning your knee. I also thought "are you even listening to me?" was just a totally normal thing all parents yelled, like "don't put that in your mouth!"

 

I never even wondered why some kids remembered to bring - and turn it - their homework every day. Or made friends easily. If I did, I settled for "I'm just weird" and left it at that.

 

so... Psychologist it is. Scary, kinda. And maybe unnecessary. I mean, I've gotten through 44 years of life without being "diagnosed," and most of those years I've done pretty okay. (the other years I really just try not to think about, of course.) But here's the thing. I am almost two years into my doctoral candidacy. So at some point in the near future, I am going to have to commit to a dissertation topic. And then sustain effort on said dissertation for a year or more. I've never sustained effort on anything that long. I don't think I even realized it was possible. So if I do have something diagnosable and treatable, and treating it might make this feasible so that I don't have to drop my candidacy, well... here we go. I hope I can find my seat belt to fasten it.

 

 

[Sherri Crowder]

Chandra,

Just want to tell you that it sounds like your alot like I am. I was undiagnosed until age 38 and I have only "BEGAN" to get really educated about ADHD in the last 6 months, and right now it is still a roller coaster ride but knowledge is power and I have a LONG way to go but I am holding off on the psychologist/other talk thearpy thru doctors . . . due to 2 bad experiences (I know "now" that they themselves were just undereducated/outdated in their practice in the add field), but I feel it did hinder me for a embarrassing amount of time because I believed what they told me, after all they were the doctor right????  It really lowered my own self esteem (like that was even possible). And I am not suggesting not to go to one, just be really careful in your selection. I hope to attend some of the Life Coach sessions I found from the lady who told me about Adderworld, and that might be a route for you to consider too if the other doesn't get you the results your hoping for, after the free consultation I got with her I know it is what I need without a doubt!

 I want to encourage you in your endeavor to sustain your efforts for your dissertation topic, pick something that is currently interesting to you and exhaust everything you can find out about it, as us adders tend to go above & beyond expectations when we hyperfocus you know, use that to your benefit. Download Bryans free e-book on that if you haven't already. I hope you will update us from time to time, I'm really interested to see someone my age "make it" so to speak, and I'll be pulling for you. :)

[Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, SCAC]

Great post!  I relate to everything in it, especially your "normal" comparisons (i.e., "don't put that in your mouth, etc." -- except I was 38, not 44 when my ADD aha! happened.  UNfortunately for me, grad school was behind me by that time, too late for the realization that I was unable to complete my thesis unmedicated -- I "blew" a 4.0 Masters, comps & orals in the bag (with distinction) -- so I STRONGLY encourage you to stay ON it if your sense is that its the wrong kind of task to expect yourself to handle sans medication!

xx,

mgh (Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, SCAC, MCC - blogging at ADDerWorld and ADDandSoMuchMore - dot com!)