Son got sent to the Principal's office, I heard bits from two sides to the story and I feel some things are misunderstandings and/or son is really not aware of his actions and speaking. But there are 3 complaints from his main teacher, special Ed teacher and the office staff.
At his school they don't have a cafeteria or any type of lunch program except a "Hot Lunch" Catering service that I started using this year. This is the third week of it. The first week they had a dish that my son didn't like, baked Ziti, he likes my baked Ziti but says the cheese on this one is yucky. So when I ordered lunch for the week I asked him if he wanted me to make lunch for that day instead of the Ziti (again) he said yes.
12:00 noon, (Lunch time is 11:45 -12:15) - I got a call from the office staff lady that my son came down from class & was wondering why he didn't have his Hot Lunch as she doesn't show an order for it. I told her he didn't get one today because he doesn't like the Ziti so I made him Ravioli for lunch and he should have it in his bag with his morning snacks. She responds by saying he doesn't like it, she responds with he likes Ravioli and not ZIti, I then tell her he doesn't like the cheese they use on it. He forgot I told her. She then says okay and she'll tell him.
Boy's story: He forgot that I packed his lunch and went to the office to check on the Hot Lunch. He then was told "he had a lunch." I asked him if he was upset, he said yes and all I was doing was tapping my foot while I waited for her to find my lunch. (So I can see him talking with "his tone" that sounds disrespectful/and or aggressive to grown-ups but he doesn't know he sounds that way when he is upset and he is just trying to get his views heard, but he gets flak by that time by the grown-ups, and gets more upset. If the problem he is having gets solved, in a calm manner and no flak for the way he is saying things he'll calm down and back to "normal."
He tells me the whole days story: He says that his special Ed teacher told him he was being disrespectful, he said he saw a hole in the desk and that he put his pencil tip there and she thinks he made the hole. Also something about him making funny noises and tapping his pencil on the desk.
Then the lunch thing happened, and his main teacher tells him that the office staff said he was being disrespectful when he went downstairs and he tells her he wasn't he has a witness and the boy tells her that he wasn't doing anything wrong. The teacher turns her back then turns back to see him throwing his hands up and proceeds to take him downstairs to the principal, but just sits him down in a chair doesn't say anything to him and leaves him there.
Then he is sitting there in the office and the principal comes to talk with him. He says the principal was nice. But she told him that this is a warning, the next time I will have to call your parents, and the third time you will have to leave the school. (This I feel in not appropriate to tell him)
When I went to pick him up from school his teacher tells me that he made gestures to her and thinks it's something with his hormones. I tell her I don't know what's going on with him this week, some days he compliant and fine and the next argumentative and not fine.
On the way out his special Ed teacher stopped me in the hall to tell me about what happened. She says that his main teacher told her he was making faces at her. (he told me he was just explaining to his friend in class about what happened in the office with his lunch and threw up his hands and she turned and thought he was making gestures towards her.) I asked what did he do stick the finger? or what, she showed me. By this time David came by and she asked him about the gestures. No comment from her, as I think it was a misunderstanding about what happened there. We had a good conversation with her and he was cooperative and calm and told his side. He goes out to wait for us to finish.
And then she goes on to tell me about him in her class, that he is combative aggressive. I acknowledge this and I tell her he is with us at home off and on too, and this week I don't know what's going on with him. She says this isn't like him and that she really thinks all this can be solved by getting him on some medication. And I should call the pediatrician and see about it as they the teachers can't diagnose him, just give him their observations. I tell her I was looking into getting a developmental pediatrician. I tell her finally about the Pediatrician and the evaluation and that he wants to get the assessment done first. (I was composing an update email about Pediatrician, etc. and hadn't finished and was going to send tomorrow. ) She is adamant on medication and I sensed urgency in her voice too. I am concerned too and tend to agree with her about medication if it will help him now. And any other testing can be done if it doesn't work. (Just like Doug said in one of the comments here on my blogs~ thanks again Doug)
She also told me about him seeing the Principal, and the principal said she didn't need to tell the parents yet, but she said yes you do need to tell them about this. His main teacher briefly said he went to see the principal but didn't get into it.
I'm still in trial and error with behavior strategies him. The ones that work are modeling/being patient and calmness, repetitive reminders, praising good behavior, and routines. Forewarning of any changes in the routine. (Like his lunch threw the whole day out the window! I should have reminded him, but I forgot to. I guess I assumed he would see it at snack and would know, but he says he thought that was snack too.)
His teacher and special Ed teacher both want another early morning meeting about a behavior plan next week, I told them that I already had planned to try and set that up with them tomorrow. So I will let them know which day next week by tomorrow.
I'm wondering if I have to teach them how to work with him?
I'm wondering what they can do, that I do that works, and if they will do it?
I've talked with my son about what I expect from him today and he did really good today by getting all his classwork done. Of course this was because of last night he had the meltdown and no Xbox and told him he wouldn't have XBox until it was done. He was doing his homework in class so he could play Xbox, and not doing his classwork. This morning I told him new rule, Classwork done in class, Homework done at home, and anything else he couldn't finish in class. I then asked what he did once he finished all his work, if he walked around a lot, and he said no, he just sat there and played with his hands and ate his snack.
I spoke with another parent today at his soccer practice and she says her son calls the main teacher the ice queen because she is not warm and fuzzy. I admitted that my son calls her a witch. Not to her face but only to me. And I told him I don't like him saying that, it is not nice and that he should listen to his teacher. He's been calling her a witch since last year off and on, always when I hear from his teacher about him not focusing on his work. Old story here.
Tired, tomorrow's another day.....Talk to current Ped. Dr., get referral for Developmental Ped. for second opinion? Decide when to have next meeting with teachers next week.