His procrastination is soo frustrating ...

[Melissa Raines]

Now I know that part of ADHD is getting easly distracted  & having a hard time staying on task , as well as using your time wisely ..  However!!  my husband's procrastination is soo incredibly frustrating ,  to say the least this week has been very frustrating , simply because my  husband has done nothing but! procrastinate .  This past week my husband put off & putt off going to the grocery store , simply because he hates grocery shopping , yet! he isn't the one who does the grocery shopping , I do ,  on top of that  no house hold chores got done this past week , simply because my husband gets distracted with the littlest thing  , which turns into an all day event .    This of  course frustrates me to no end ,  not to mention the fact that when he does finally get to the chores or what ever it is he has to do , it takes him for ever to get the task complete , simply because of his OCD ,  it doesn't matter  what the task is , weather its chores or just something simple such as getting ready to go out & do arrons ,  it takes my husband for ever to do anything .     My husband's OCD is a big time consumer ,  the simplest thing will take him an hour to 2 hrs to complete ,   part of my husband's OCD is his need to check & recheck everything he does ,  not to mention that the task has to be perfectly &  has to be done in a certain way , if he gets distracted at the littlest thing , he has to start all over again .   This is all frustrating for me , because I have a routine that I follow every day ,  if I have chores to be done , as soon as my husband leaves to go out into town to run arrons , I immediately get started on the chores & get them done, soo I can have time to relax & take a breath before he gets home from running arrons .   Finally  the one thing that really gets on my nerves is how my husband acts as tho he is helpless , when it comes to picking out his clothes ,  not to mention the fact that he can't fold clothes nor can he cook , soo Im the one whom  does the  laundry, cooks & folds clothes ..  on top of that I do things for my  mom such as grocery shopping , doing her laundry,  cleaning her house once a week ect ect ect  ... yet!  my husband complains that he can't never get anything done arround the house , when the truth of the matter is  he is the reason he doesn't get anything done ,  between his OCD & his ADHD ...    All of this is extemely exhausting  for me , because there are many times I feel like Im dealing with a child instead of a grown adult .   

[doug puryear]

yes, and i know (partly) how my wife feels.  i hope he has some redeeming qualities that help make up for some of this stuff you are putting up with.  if i may offer some suggestions:

1. pick one or two small specific issues that are bugging you and begin working on them, hopefully together with him but if necessary on your own.

2. couple counseling with someone knowledgeable about add/adhd; if necessary, go by yourself.

3. read together melissa orlovs book on the adhd effect on marriage, especially the second part which talks about working together on problems.

4. it sounds like things are very difficult for your husband as well as for you, but possibly you are picking up some things that you dont have to.   you might step back and take a look at this, maybe again with a counselor.  if you do everything he might have less motivation to work on the problems?  has he been getting any therapy or working on these things?  i doubt if he is very happy either.

5. again, the key is to pick small specific things to work on - ex he leave his clothes on the floor, instead of the big ones ex he's messy.

6. it takes time and hard work to change long standing patterns, but it is doable.

good luck

doug