I'M BACK!

[Judi Jerome, MSW, LICSW, LADC]

Hello all of you wonderful people who have tried to befriend me and get to know me over the past two years. I have been 'missing in action'. I'm Back!

For 2 years I steadily traveled back and forth from Vermont where I live, to Florida where my elderly, ill parents lived. I tried to run my therapy practice, my coaching business and my life while helping to take care of my parents. Unfortunately my writing suffered. Actually, because of the pain, I've been blocked most of those 2 years. Over a 2 month span I lost my Mother, Father and closest Aunt/ally. We just had another memorial service in New Jersey last weekend so that all of our relatives could attend. This huge, 3/4 of ones life, huge chapter of my life is physically closed. Emotionally and cognitively it is very active.

I am ready to start writing again. I feel the need so strongly. And here I am on this website, "adderworld.ning.com/profile/JudiJeromeLICSWLADC" choosing for some unknown reason, to write my first blog entry in a VERY long time. This must be "home". Thank you for that very needed and special feeling.

So, here I am, all of my grown-ups are gone. That truly makes me the grown-up. Me, this professional woman with ADHD and so many years old (a woman has to have some secrets), so many years as an adult, I am the grown-up that I have to depend on and get cudo's from, and hear the opinion of... ME. How strange. How sad. How?

The support of professionals, friends, cousins, and the social networks that I have built is what I will purposely fill this empty hole with. That is a big part of the "How?". Trust in myself and allowing the grief process to transcend all 5 stages is a really big part of the "HOW?". And the biggie for me, 'writing' is a very big part of the "HOW?". Again, thank you all so very much for being there, here and everywhere. Always remember: mindfulness matters

[spacecatpj]

Hi Judi! I don't think I explained myself very clearly in my original message to you (in regard to the professional part). Of course, this doesn't really surprise me (that I didn't express myself clearly) as I've been struggling with short-term memory impairment, inability to focus, disorganization, and difficulty expressing my thoughts and feelings down in words (its as if my head is "clogged up " and I can't find the right words to try to express myself, both verbally and in writing.). When I mentioned the professional part, I wasn't referring to the actual time that you are actively engaging or working one-on-one with your therapy clients, but rather when you are out and about in the community at large and a lot of people know you are a professional. At least at the agency I work at, it's expected that I always present myself professionally and not divulge any of my struggles so there's always a subtle but constant pressure to look like I have it all together at all times, regardless of what I'm doing or where I'm going. In other words, just because I'm a licensed clinical social worker (and thus a professional), it's expected that I always present myself as such when I'm out in public (regardless of whether I'm working with a client or shopping for groceries or attending an event). Sometimes just having the burden to always maintain a professonal image/appearance once I step outside of my house can be exhausting. At least on this website, I feel safe to vent and discuss my problems and share my experiences as a regular human being without having to worry about there being any unforseen repercussions to my "professional" status that my company expects me to maintain whenever I'm out in public. I still don't know if I'm explaining myself clearly but I wanted to at least attempt to clarify what I meant. I hope you have a great day and feel free to contact me if you have any questions about what I'm trying to say.

Sincerely,
Penni

[Judi Jerome, MSW, LICSW, LADC]

Thank you Penni. You really put your finger on the 'professional button'. Actually, when I am with my therapy patients and coaching clients it is the most peaceful and least painful time for me due to not having to focus on me. It's nice to connect with you. thanks again, mindfully yours, judi

[spacecatpj]

Hi Judi! I'm relatively new to this website but I wanted to let you know that I was deeply moved by your blog because I could sense the feelings of pain and emptiness as I was reading your words and it (your blog) gave me a lot to think about. I can't fathom how painful it must have been for you to have endured the loss of your mother, father and closest aunt within a two month time span and to realize that you are the only grown-up left. That is a tremendous amount of heartache and trauma to have experienced in such a short amount of time. I can certainly understand why you've been blocked for most of the last two years as you've just been trying to survive and adjust to everything you've been forced to face, endure and experience.

By the way, my name is Penni and I am also a licensed clinical social worker (LMSW) with ADHD, although I was just recently diagnosed this year at the "young" age of 43 ( I unabashingly say the word "young" for my benefit as I understand how powerful words can be! Hahaha). My hope is that you find great comfort being back on this website and I know I will look forward to reading your blogs as I appreciate your ability to make me think about what truly is important in life & how fragile life really is. In addition, I think the additional pressure of being known as a professional can sometimes impede on one's own personal growth or journey if one isn't careful (at least it can for me), as I know I'm supposed to act like I have it all together (even on days when I don't) for "appearances sake." That's why I love this website because it provides me with a safe forum where I don't worry about putting on any pretenses to the outside world. In other words, I can just be me (flaws and all!) and I can express what is really going on inside of me - whether I'm feeling pain, hurt, anger, loneliness, betrayal,confusion, depression, rage, happiness, disgust, etc., so I can learn and grow in a supportive environment without having to worry about how I'm presenting myself to the outside world. I don't know if I conveyed what I was trying to get across very well, but I wanted to let you know that I appreciate having your presence on this website and I look forward to getting to know you better. And I'm in full agreement with you that mindfulness matters.

[Judi Jerome, MSW, LICSW, LADC]

Thanks Dana, I appreciate your words, judi

[DANA]

WELCOME BACK JUDI!

Writing is an excellent method to work through emotions, situations, mysteries of life and to express our thoughts, idea's and beliefs. My passion is definitely inspired by writing, sharing, expressing and making sense out of the chaos of life with ADHD. If nothing else, it helps me better to understand myself and at the same time to connect with someone else who may be walking in a similar situation!

One of the BEST feelings in the world is to know that you are NOT alone. There is something so comforting about discovering another individual who relates to you and who has been in the same exact place. Perhaps, it is sharing a common experience or interest that brings individuals together to connect and to eventually form a lasting bond?

Judi, I am very sorry to hear of the loss of your mother, father and closest aunt. Losing loved ones, especially our closest family members, is heartbreaking and painful. Yet, it is a remarkable time of personal growth, change and soul searching to strive to become the person that we have always wanted.

There are occasions in life when we would NOT have changed paths or gone down a brand new road, but ultimately, if it were not for the unexpected events that had taken place, we may NEVER have made the necessary changes or choices to transform our lives to become more meaningful and rewarding.

Trust that there is a special time and purpose for every season in life. As the one door gently closes on one chapter of your life, another door opens......To new discoveries, wonderful experiences, joyful moments and of beautiful memories that you will treasure for a lifetime. Best wishes to you, Judi!