Oops... I Did It Again

[NerdyMommy]

So, that Britney song is playing on the radio in my head...(yes, I'm again without my meds - that's a whole different story)...

So I broke up with my boyfriend last Monday. Typical ADD whirlwind relationship... I was a couple weeks out of my last relationship, the 4 year one... when I reconnected with someone I went to HS with. We didn't know each other really in school... but he asked me out, and we went out on a date... which was cool, and fun... and in SOOO typical ADD fashion, I invited him in when he brought me home. He spent the night, and never left.

Yep, moved right in... I was infatuated beyond measure. He's a great guy... he really and truly is. Sweet, hardworking, funny. Believes that I'm a princess. Does housework. Is good with my kids. Sex is great. He was totally there for me when my nephew died. The weekend before I broke up with him, he took care of me all weekend while I suffered with the flu. Really and truly... a great guy.

So that Monday, while I was still home getting my strength back, I decided to break up with him.

I had been considering it off and on for about a month. Kept telling myself that he was a great guy, and I should try harder.

So I broke up with him... told him, "It's not you, it's me." SOOO cliche... but in this case, so entirely true!

What started out as an infatuation with a shiny new toy ended up as a boring plaything that could barely hold my interest.

Plus, I have trust issues. I just discovered that about myself. Apparantly I was the last to know.

So now, knowing what I know about myself, I have a new focus, a new resolve. I'm not going to put someone else through this again... because I'm starting to make a habit of leaving broken hearts in my wake, and I don't feel good about it. No more relationships. Friends with benefits... ok. Casual, take me out to the movies and buy me dinner... ok. Meet my kids? No way. Move in? No way. The L word? Abso-effin-lutely NO WAY!

I'm putting this all down here so that when a new shiny toy comes along, hopefully I'll read it, and remember what happens to shiny new toys....

Cynical? Yeah, I've a touch of the cynicsm tonite. But honestly... however it might sound, I'm happy with where I'm at right now.... seriously.

Except that the boyfriend is still living here... sleeping on my couch... because I didn't have the heart to throw him out on the street after breaking his heart. I guess I'm not the worst person in the world after all, huh?

[DANA]

Hi NerdyMommy! I sympathize with the roller coaster challenges that you have had to deal with, lately! Being without medication is rough and I am possibly going to be in your shoes.

My husband not only lost his job, but he lost his medical insurance. I am running out of medication and I have attempted to decrease my dose in an attempt to allow my medication to last longer. The downside is that the lower dose is not as effective as the higher dose, but at least this method is helping me wean and not go "cold turkey" off of medication.

Relationships are very challenging on so many levels. Whether it is friendships, family, co-workers, children or our love life, relationships truly bring out the intense emotions that we feel, regardless of how hard we try to remain calm to not over react!

NerdyMommy, try not to beat yourself up with your recent relationship coming to an end. Life is so full of learning experiences that can teach us knew things about our own selves as well as explain so much about the opposite sex. I can not help, but wonder, "Why does love always hurt so much if love is supposed to feel so good?" I am not sure that I have the answer to my own question......

However, the one thing that I have learned in life is that relationships are usually not easy, people do disappoint us, we may break hearts & we may have our own hearts broken, but life does go on......Just when we want to say, "FORGET IT! I AM DONE WITH LOVE!" Somehow and someway, life does continue, even when we feel as if life is over or we feel so much frustration deep within.

In your post up above, you wrote, "I'm not going to put someone else through this again... because I'm starting to make a habit of leaving broken hearts in my wake, and I don't feel good about it. No more relationships. Friends with benefits... ok. Casual, take me out to the movies and buy me dinner... ok. Meet my kids? No way. Move in? No way. The L word? Abso-effin-lutely NO WAY!"

I do understand how you feel and that right now you may want to not ever think about another guy for the rest of your life, but hopefully in time, whether it is in a few months, a year or much later, I do hope that you have the opportunity to meet someone knew who you will allow yourself to enjoy their company and allow yourself to just be who you are, while the relationship may smoothly fall right into place.

Time is the answer.....Time to heal.....Time to recover.....Time to start fresh....Time to move forward in life....Time to focus on you....Time to focus on others.....Time to love and a time to grieve....Time for sadness and time for happiness.....

Hang in there and trust that in time, you will feel much better and there is a rainbow at the end of the tunnel! Always hold onto HOPE.....With hope, everything impossible suddenly becomes POSSIBLE!

[NerdyMommy]

Hi Penni... I'm glad hearing that you're not alone helps! It always helps me too. I've made great strides in managing my ADHD in many areas of my life, but relationships is one area that I've still got alot of work to do. I totally identify with how you feel about not wanting to wreak havoc on someone else... I feel exactly the same way. I can't even describe how bad I feel about this last relationship of mine - this is a truly great guy, who fell head over heels in love with me, and wanted to spend his life with me. He's left now, not understanding what happened - keeps trying to figure out "what he did". No matter how many times I tell him, HE didn't do anything, it's hard for him to accept. And I hate that what I've done has affected him this way, damaged his self esteem, etc. I'm a virtual wrecking ball to the male ego... which is not meant to sound at all cocky or self absorbed.

Part of the process is acknowledging and understanding our behaviors, so that we can then work to change them. I think that both of us have made steps in acknowledging our "M.O."... and while avoiding all future relationships may seem like the answer, logically I know it's not. It's also not likely to happen, either, because, for me, at least, my impulse control is not always that great LOL... and if Prince Charming comes swooping in, I'm fairly likely to forget everything that I wrote above ;)

So the trick is learning patience in this area of our lives, as well.... so much easier said than done!!!

[spacecatpj]

Hi Nerdy Mommy! Thanks for sharing about your most recent relationship! I had to laugh as I was reading your blog because I could soooooooo identify with you (which brought a huge sense of relief to me). Not long after I got out of a long-term relationship, I met a man who I thought rocked my world and that lasted for a couple of months....until I lost interest in him and broke up with him (which I mentally beat myself up over numerous times because he was such a nice and funny guy but I just could not get myself to feel the same way about him again - or even come close to it). Shortly after that, I met another guy and the same thing happened. I went from being enthralled with him to bored with him in a matter of months. And I really figured things would work out with him (the 2nd guy ) because we seemed to have so much in common and he was so hot looking! But it didn't because there was something inside of me that just lost interest in him (without fully knowing why I lost interest in him, other than the fact that I did) and soon I felt I had to bail out of that relationship. After this happened for the 3rd time in a row with another truly nice guy, I finally just told myself that I need to take a break from dating and figure out what the heck is going on with me. Now that I've been recently diagnosed with ADHD, I'm beginning to understand some of the past behaviors (at least to a certain extent, anyway, although I can't say that I understand my behaviors completely) but I worry the same thing is likely to happen again if I open myself up to a future promising relationship. Its the craziest thing to try to describe but I don't want to wreak havoc on others just because I know I won't like it when the situation is reversed and somebody breaks my heart. I guess I just need to accept the fact that I am a "work in progress" and I'll try to learn from my past experiences. But I had to let you know that I felt a lot better after having read your blog. Thanks for sharing! Penni

[Bryan Hutchinson]

Hi NM! Lately, I have been thinking a lot about love, relationships and why one works and another doesn't. I am very lucky in today's world with Joan and I guess that has allowed me to explore my thoughts on the subject, along with my past experiences; however, as you know, I am no stranger to telling all, no matter how embarrassing it may be to me... any who, what I am saying here is that you are not cynical and you are not giving up on love, although it may feel that way, it's just that you are entering a new season and from what I am reading it is a season after lessons learned and usually, it is in these seasons that special things can happen... believe it or not, it's about self first, kids first and when that new special shiny comes along, you won't be blinded by it... that's important. If you are fair to yourself and your kids, it stands to reason you will be fair to someone you really do like, more than just a toyish thingamagiggy!