Lately, I've had quite a bit of positive stuff that I could've been writing about, but I've oddly been too busy to do that. Since the start of the year, I've thrown out my back, gotten better, got back into triathlon training full-force, managed to catch the cold-like crud that's been going around, returned to work/life after nearly a week of being sick, and it's not even the end of January yet! In the midst of all of that, I found time to embark upon a relationship w/ a guy who actually seems pretty great...that's a rare find for me. Beyond that, work has been going well for a while... I have felt more focused at work (when I've not been doped on pain pills for my back or cold meds), and I've gotten a lot done. We get really busy at the start of the year, and I had the opportunity to work on a lot of small preliminary project designs w/ the boss man...that's always a good chance to really put my brain to work. I worked late and multi-tasked like a monster. Then I got sick, but I returned this week, and by yesterday, I was back at it, multi-tasking, on the ball trying to pick up where I left off, proposing ideas even. As far as I know, I've been doing pretty well and working my ass off.
Then, there's the less-than-positive side of how I'm doing....
The boss seems to have been pleased with me lately...at least, he seems more pleased than not. I stayed a few hours late one day, just me and the boss, so it really gave me a chance to prove myself (which has been needed, I feel). Well, today I got a major blow to the ego... my direct supervisor who's over the design team (not the boss man, but the guy who answers to boss man) tore me a new one.
He lost his lid over something that I thought wasn't a big deal. I'd printed something for him earlier in the morning, got over-focused on some other work, and by the time I went to the printer to retrieve his stuff, it was gone... my assumption (I know, never assume...) was that he'd gotten off the printer like usual. He did not, and he was pissed. I apologized and ran to my desk to print it again, problem solved... or not. He continued to rip into me in front of another co-worker on the design team (luckily the rest were at lunch). Accusations that I don't take my job seriously were flying out of his mouth, and he even challenged me by saying that if it didn't change I needed to be looking elsewhere for a job!
Now, had this been the main boss man, I'd have felt more weight than I do from this outburst. As far as I know, I've been working hard...spread too thin, quite possibly, and afraid to ask for help (b/c this is the kind of reaction I fear). This isn't the first time in the past few years my supervisor has gone nutso, but I don't handle that kind of criticism well, especially in front of other people!!!
After another unpleasant exchange w/ this guy, I left the office (it was lunchtime, thank God) in tears...eyes hidden behind sunglasses, but tears were streaming down my cheeks. I just prayed nobody noticed.
I wish there was an easy way to know how to respond to this sort of crap! I feel like my nature is to get extremely upset and take everything SO personally... even though I know this guy has his moody moments. My failures are always related to ADD moments, but I can't use that as an excuse. I'm spread too thin and easily distracted... I do forget things, no matter how many to-do lists and notes I leave myself, because I'm constantly being handed other things to do... and nobody seems to feel the need to give me any priority level other than "right now!" How do I handle this? I am also one of the only females on the design team, so he could probably talk the same way to the guys (and at times he does) w/o them feeling so beat down. I feel like this isn't right, but it's life... I can't make people respect me or treat me right just b/c I am sensitive.
Is there a simple fix to not be so sensitive?
Oh... and now, I can't focus at all b/c my mind is so wrapped up in what happened earlier. Despite my morning of hard work and being able to concentrate, I'm back to my usual mess... ugh!