Trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

[EINSTEIN]

Ok here it goes just found out im add aprox 6 months ago at age 47. After doing some reaserch alot of it makes sence but my lovely wife seems to think its a cop-out for my behaiver I admit I am hard to get along with and take full resposability for my actions. Im trying to think before I act or say anything whitch I find hard todo usally its after the fact that im like oh hell I did it again. I guess at this point im looking for any advice dont want to end our marriage of 21 years. excuse my spelling my school years were hard now i know why.

[EINSTEIN]

Finally got her to read a little on what its like living with add. She was shocked at how most marriages dont make it seems to of taken a little more interest in working together. Time will tell but its looking better.

[Bryan Hutchinson]

Welcome, Einstein! I know it is tough for someone to consider the reality of ADHD and too many still see it as a cop-out. Including those we love and although books are great to help pass on information, getting someone to change their mind takes time and a sincere interest to learn more and it takes for you to show your interest in moving forward and seeking treatment. 21 years is a long time and she knows you better than anyone else. It will help for her to become educated about ADHD, but if she has a die-hard opinion about ADHD then that will be a factor. If that's the case then my suggestion would be to find a local ADHD support group and attend a few meetings with your wife, perhaps when she hears the stories from others, live and in person, that may help a great deal.

Good luck and welcome to our world!!

Bryan

[EINSTEIN]

Will do thanks

[doug puryear]

advice - educate yourself as much as possible on ADD/ADHD.  read melov book on ADD and marriage and ask your wife to read it too, then discuss it.  if you cant discuss it without arguing, then find a couples counselor who is knowledgeable about add/adhd. 

then read other books. (tempted to recommend mine but not sposed to advertise here so i wont.)

repeat to your wife often what you said, how you value your marriage.

find out what 2 things bug her the most, have to make them small and specific ex not "you're irresponsible" but " it bugs me when you're late and haven't called".  then get strategies to work on them and try to get her to help you.  you cant work on many things at the same time.

trying to think before you act or speak is good, but too broad and general .  ex what specific acts bug her the most, and speaking how in what situations?  maybe you need to stop telling jokes, or saying anything critical about her, or be sure you put away your dirty dishes, , or  etc etc etc.  again, you cant change it all at once.

good luck

doug