The idealist

My wife describes me as an idealist. Certainly I do not think that her view or definition view of me is incorrect. However I do not think having ideals is a negative attribute to own. I have always been told that if people do the right thing that they would be rewarded. When individuals do the right and honorable thing in the face of adversity and hardship isn’t their actions that much more noble? I am not one of those success stories that were rewarded for being courageous when I was faced with injustice and persecution. The conviction of my character has a price that at times I feel is too costly. My relationship with my children has been impacted in a negative way because doing what was right meant that I needed to adjust the terms of our relationship. I desperately wanted to be close with my daughter and was willing to be exploited by her to achieve that goal. Interactions such as that are not how healthy relationships are defined and ultimately would not be beneficial for either party. Fueled by the deception and manipulation of her mother and my unwillingness to maintain the same terms my daughter had been accustomed to, she now does not want to have contact with me. Which I am sure you can imagine hurts me immensely. My daughter viewed me as somebody that she could get the things that she desired from. Like any other loving father I wanted to make my beautiful daughter happy, so I gave into her demands. When I refused my daughter behaved in a negative way until I did as she wanted. At times my actions would cause turmoil between my wife and me. My wife could not and would not live in a marriage while her husband was continually spoiling his daughter. (My daughter is a child from my previous marriage. This is why I say my daughter and not our daughter.) The definition of the word “spoiling” when referring to the treatment of children is “rewarding bad behavior.” There are people that misuse the word “spoiling” and I wanted to make the context clear. My wife demanded that I quit acting that way, even if it meant that my daughter would want to go back and live with her mother. I knew that my wife was not incorrect in her assessment of my relationship with my daughter so I complied with her request. My daughter no longer wanted to live with me and she decided to go back and live with her mother. That was over a year ago.

I am positive you want to know how all of this fits into AD/HD and rehabilitation. I’ll explain that in a moment. Please bare with me because I have a point, really I do.

I am guilty of performing the responsibilities that parenthood demanded. I had to do that which was right and I knew I could not afford it. The price for being an individual of high moral character has proved to be too much. I do not have the luxury of contemplating whether or not I can abide these demands. This is the way it is and I must endure the tolls.

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Tags: ad/hd, add, idealist, rehabilitation.
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